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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar diagram provides data on the proportion of children in school, who are studying how to play various musical instruments in three different years.
It is clear that
 musical instruments in the year 2015
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 far more popular than in the previous decade.
However
,
along
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the period, the interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 playing musical instruments rose steadily, and made up just under 40 per
cent
, starting from around a tenth. By 2015,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of Violin classes had fallen to a mere 5 per
cent
,
while
 drums had reached a peak at around 10 per
cent
. It can be seen that Piano rose from just above a tenth to 20 exactly over the period of 5 years, starting from 2005.
Moreover
, the strongest competitor to
piano
Add an article
the piano
show examples
 was
guitar
Correct article usage
the guitar
show examples
:
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 had almost the same
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 as
piano
Correct article usage
the piano
show examples
, but in
2015
Change the article
the 2015
show examples
 year made up the biggest
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 - around 40 per
cent
.
Overall
, everything rose with the exception of
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
, and
while
guitar
Correct article usage
the guitar
show examples
 turned
to
Change preposition
out to
show examples
 be the instrument with the highest popularity, the violin became the most unpopular.
Submitted by eparfenenkov on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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