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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. -> The line graph compares the urban populations of four countries between 1970 and 2020, with predicted figures for 2030 and 2024.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. -> The line graph compares the urban populations of four countries between 1970 and 2020, with predicted figures for 2030 and 2024.
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The line graph provides information about the proportion of the total population in some Asian nations
such
Linking Words
 as the Philippines,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 living in cities from 1970 to 2020 and
also
Linking Words
 foresees for 2030 and 2040
Overall
Linking Words
,at a glance at the graph, it is clear,
despite
Correct word choice
that despite
show examples
 all countries in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some years
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being a downward trend at passage of time
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, they had
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
 though, is expected that these trends
would be continued
Wrong verb form
will continue
show examples
 more sharply by 2040. In 1970, the Philippines had the most city residents among the countries with 32% and
this
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 had a short difference in comparison to
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 with 30%,
then
Linking Words
 followed by
Thailand
Use synonyms
 with just
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than 20% and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 with around 15%.
Although
Linking Words
, the proportion of the city residents of
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 increased significantly by 2020,
however
Linking Words
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
's public steady remained at just less than 30,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 after reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% in 1990, dropped gradually by 40% in
this
Linking Words
 period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they are predicted from 2030 to 2040, all countries will face a remarkable increase in growth
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 population living in cities. It seems,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 going to hit 80%,
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 will be in second place with 60% and followed by the Philippines and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 with around 55% and 45% respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, thailand, indonesia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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