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Band 6.5

In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #men #home #children #women #work #development
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In many countries, gender fairness has been discussed and accepted widely.
While
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men
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 used to be the majority of the workforce and
women
Use synonyms
 took care of the house chores in most countries.
However
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, many
women
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 nowadays tend to be the main financial income of their families.
Overall
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, I believe it is a great and positive development for any country or society. I will analyse the pros and cons before reaching a conclusion. First of all, most jobs were
agricultural related
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agricultural-related
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 in ancient societies. Stamina and strength were needed to complete those tasks,
such
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 as moving heavy things or working on the farms and under the sun all day long.
In other words
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, the structure of human bodies limits
men
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 to do these jobs.
This
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 means that
women
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 couldn't do anything except stay at their homes and were forced to look after the houses.
Furthermore
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, from a cultural perspective,
women
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 were forbidden from working outside
due to
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 the societies at that period only allowed
men
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 to
work
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.
However
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, human society nowadays no longer only lets
men
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work
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.
Instead
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, more and more
women
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 are required to
work
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due to
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 technology and industrial developments.
For example
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, many staff were replaced by machines.
As a result
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, modern companies have many positions that do not require physical strength,
such
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 as accountants. These kinds of jobs,
in contrast
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, need workers to be patient and careful about those tiny things. Modern
women
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 now have advantages in working.
Furthermore
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,
women
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 have more chances to choose their own path,
while
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men
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 can stay at home
instead
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 of being forced to
work
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. In conclusion,
due to
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 the fact that
men
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 can have more flexibility in
work
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 or not in modern countries, the proportion of working gender is becoming balanced. I believe that the increasing participation of
women
Use synonyms
 in the workforce is a positive phenomenon.
Submitted by jamexhuang on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your task response by illustrating your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are supported throughout the essay with appropriate evidence or examples. This will enhance both your task achievement and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and the writer’s opinion, setting a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-articulated conclusion that reinforces the writer’s opinion, contributing to a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Clear progression of ideas, from historical context to modern developments, helping the reader follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
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