Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children while others claim it has positive effect for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people think that

children

shouldn'

watch

whereas

others believe that it can be helpful as they grow up. From my perspective, there are more advantages than disadvantages. Some parents won'

be happy with seeing their kids watching

. They believe it is too early for them to get familiar with it. They would claim that young people should learn things from schools or books.

Children

usually cannot control

themsleves

Correct your spelling

themselves

and they can get easily distracted.

Also

, they don'

want their child to get exposed to unhealthy

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

For example

, some programmes and series often have violent scenes and we hear unpleasant words as well.

On the other hand

, other adults would agree with the idea of

children

watching

. They would argue that, even from

TVs

Fix the agreement mistake

show examples

, there are things they can learn. I don'

think that all

programmes are bad. Schools sometimes use them as educational sources. When I was younger, I used to watch documentaries in schools and it helped me a lot understand subjects more clearly.

For instance

, I watched videos about wildlife, science

Correct word choice

and

show examples

sometimes even social issues. Parents can show their

children

these kinds of programmes, so they can have a broader knowledge of different categories.

Furthermore

, in terms of socialising,

shows can be beneficial. Maybe they can make friends

talking

Change preposition

by talking

show examples

about their favourite animation or famous bands. It will help them have common interests and

interect

Correct your spelling

interact

with their peers, which is a crucial part of childhood. In conclusion, despite both views, parents can use

as a useful tool to educate their son or daughter. I still believe watching

has more benefits than drawbacks.

Submitted by dob.jeong on Sun Nov 17 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that each main point is fully developed with specific examples and explanation to enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

Strive for smoother transitions between different points of view for even better coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a well-structured introduction and conclusion, presenting a clear opinion.

task achievement

Relevant examples, such as educational TV programs, enrich the discussion and support the argument effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

exposure
inappropriate content
moral and ethical development
sedentary behavior
obesity
academic performance
intellectual growth
educational TV programs
cognitive skills
problem-solving
critical thinking
language acquisition
listening skills
entertainment and relaxation
family bonding
parental guidance
age-appropriate
viewing time

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.