Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is it a negative or positive development? Give your explanation using some relevant examples from your experience.

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Putting extra
pressure
on
children
to achieve success has become a vital topic of debate.
While
some
parents
encourage
children
in accurate measures to become
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
, others put excessive
pressure
on their
children
to achieve their goals and ambitions.
Although
there are various reasons
such
as a
fauiler
Correct your spelling
failure
personal experience .I strongly believe that
this
trend can gradually
result
in harmful consequences
such
as a
depresion
Correct your spelling
depressed
feeling, which will be discussed.
Firstly
, feeling a sense of success and fulfilment among individuals, particularly the younger generation can offer various benefits
such
as happier
societies
.
Therefore
both
parents
and
societies
frequently
exsert
Correct your spelling
exert
show examples
encountless
Correct your spelling
countless
pressure
on
children
to
becoming
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
successful as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mature.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
if
parents
struggle to achieve their goals in their personal lives, they might put extra
pressure
on their
children
rather than encourage them in accurate strategies, to follow their personal
ambititions
Correct your spelling
ambitions
. A prime illustration is a mother who has always
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dream
Wrong verb form
dreamed
show examples
of being a doctor.
As a
result
, these
parents
make an effort to
equipe
Correct your spelling
equip
children
with extra
pressure
such
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous different educational
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
for becoming successful in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
futher
Correct your spelling
further
future
education.
On the other hand
,
this
approach can significantly contribute to harmful effects for both
societies
and
children
.
Thus
, putting extra
pressure
on
children
not only can lead to unhappier and
unsuistainable
Correct your spelling
unsustainable
sustainable
societies
but
also
can decrease a sense of
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
among
children
.
As a
result
, these
children
as young
adaults
Correct your spelling
adults
are likely to challenge with various emotional problems
such
as stress and
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
in the future.
For instance
, consider a student who is
overwelmed
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
with his extra
curriculem
Correct your spelling
curriculum
curricular
program and does not have
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
free time to play like other pers, So
This
child might encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various emotional challenges
such
as feeling
abandence
Correct your spelling
abundance
abandoned
and
isolation
Replace the word
isolated
show examples
. In conclusion,
Although
a significant number of
parents
are interested in putting extra
pressure
on their
children
,
due to
various reasons including their personal
fauiler
Correct your spelling
family
failure
experiences,
this
trend can
result
in negative consequences
such
as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
increase in feeling
Change preposition
of depresion
show examples
depresion
Correct your spelling
depression
and distress among
children
.
Submitted by mahanz on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments. For instance, make sure each sentence logically follows from the previous one to make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Avoid small grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and spelling. These can distract readers from your arguments.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to reinforce your points. This strengthens your arguments and helps clarify your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with a good introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and offered a reasonable stance supported by examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prosperous future
  • highly competitive
  • extracurricular activities
  • social comparison
  • compelled
  • societal judgement
  • instill discipline
  • work ethic
  • responsibility
  • anxiety
  • diminished self-esteem
  • loss of interest
  • alienated
  • strained relationships
  • rebel
  • burnout
  • hinder
  • well-being
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