Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Advertising is one of the strategies in marketing aimed to up the selling,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
advertised
Replace the word
advertising
children
is a contentious debate in this
day, due to
bring numerious
drawbacks Correct your spelling
numerous
at
Change preposition
for
children
, I personally firmly agree that advertise
Wrong verb form
advertising
adressed
at Correct your spelling
aimed
children
should be banned.
To begin
with, advertising have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
numerious
advantages to influence Correct your spelling
numerous
consumer
or to inform Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
customer
about Fix the agreement mistake
customers
the
certain products, Correct article usage
apply
new
features, or just inform Correct word choice
or new
discount
or other information to their Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
customer
. This
advertisement
obiously
Correct your spelling
obviously
bring
the positive impacts for both factory and Change the verb form
brings
customer
. For example
, Jabra store launching
Wrong verb form
launched
new
design of TWS which has a new feature to proof water, so Add an article
a new
marketing
agency Correct article usage
the marketing
trying
to introduce their new product through Wrong verb form
tried
bilboard
Correct your spelling
board
advertisement
, by that
Correct determiner usage
the
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
informed
and have a good information enough to make a decision to buy Add a missing verb
were informed
new
product.
Add an article
a new
the new
However
some of
marketing Change preposition
apply
agency
Fix the agreement mistake
agencies
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
the
Correct article usage
apply
ads
to children
influenced
them to a certain products using Correct word choice
and influenced
children
as their models, this type
of Fix the agreement mistake
These types
ads
gain
some Wrong verb form
gained
critics
and responses from society suspected Fix the agreement mistake
criticism
have
some negative impacts. Add the particle
to have
For instance
, fast food
advertisement
targeting Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
children
. There are numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
ads
that using
Wrong verb form
use
children
as fast food
models, indirectly, this
advertisement
has intention
to influence Change the article
the intention
children
leading to boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
Correct article usage
the demands
demands
of Fix the agreement mistake
demand
children
for fast food
comparing
to home-cooked Wrong verb form
compared
food
.
In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that advertisement
has significant
role in marketing strategy to boostAdd an article
a significant
products
selling, but I agree that Fix the agreement mistake
product
ads
should be banned if they obviously targeting
Wrong verb form
target
children
,
because Remove the comma
apply
children
don't have knowledge enough to decide what things are good to
them, they should Change preposition
for
controled
by their parent, the curiosity of Correct your spelling
controlled
control
children
is so high leads to force their parent to buy it.Submitted by masry.pakpahan on
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task achievement
Try to further develop your arguments with more specific examples and details to enhance the task response. For instance, discussing how advertisements impact children's psychology could reinforce your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea followed by supporting details to improve coherence and cohesion. Use transition words more often to connect different parts of the essay smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to set a strong foundation for your essay. This will help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly presented an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay and makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay highlights valid points about advertising's influence and provides examples, like the fast food ads targeting children, which support the arguments made.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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