Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Advertising is one of the strategies in marketing aimed to up the selling,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
advertised
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
children
is a contentious debate in
this
day,
due to
bring
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
drawbacks
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
, I personally firmly agree that
advertise
Wrong verb form
advertising
show examples
adressed
Correct your spelling
aimed
at
children
should be banned.
To begin
with, advertising
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
advantages to influence
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
or to inform
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain products,
new
Correct word choice
or new
show examples
features, or just inform
discount
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discounts
show examples
or other information to their
customer
This
advertisement
obiously
Correct your spelling
obviously
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
the positive impacts for both factory and
customer
.
For example
, Jabra store
launching
Wrong verb form
launched
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
design of TWS which has a new feature to proof water, so
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
show examples
agency
trying
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
to introduce their new product through
bilboard
Correct your spelling
board
advertisement
, by
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
informed
Add a missing verb
were informed
show examples
and have a good information enough to make a decision to buy
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
product.
However
some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
marketing
agency
Fix the agreement mistake
agencies
show examples
adressed
Correct your spelling
addressed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ads
to
children
influenced
Correct word choice
and influenced
show examples
them to a certain products using
children
as their models,
this type
Fix the agreement mistake
These types
show examples
of
ads
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
some
critics
Fix the agreement mistake
criticism
show examples
and responses from society suspected
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
some negative impacts.
For instance
, fast
food
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
targeting
children
. There are
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
ads
that
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
children
as fast
food
models, indirectly,
this
advertisement
has
intention
Change the article
the intention
show examples
to influence
children
leading to
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
Correct article usage
the demands
show examples
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
of
children
for fast
food
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to home-cooked
food
. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly that
advertisement
has
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
role in marketing strategy to boost
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
selling, but I agree that
ads
should be banned if they obviously
targeting
Wrong verb form
target
show examples
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
children
don't have knowledge enough to decide what things are good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
them, they should
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
control
by their parent, the curiosity of
children
is so high leads to force their parent to buy it.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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task achievement
Try to further develop your arguments with more specific examples and details to enhance the task response. For instance, discussing how advertisements impact children's psychology could reinforce your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea followed by supporting details to improve coherence and cohesion. Use transition words more often to connect different parts of the essay smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to set a strong foundation for your essay. This will help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly presented an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay and makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay highlights valid points about advertising's influence and provides examples, like the fast food ads targeting children, which support the arguments made.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • impressionability
  • developmental stage
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • dietary choices
  • childhood obesity
  • materialism
  • consumerism
  • parental control
  • consumption
  • advertising literacy
  • interpret
  • outright ban
  • economic repercussions
  • media outlets
  • ad revenue
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