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Band 6.5

Some people think that parents have the greatest influence on their child´s academic development, while others think that a child´s teacher has more influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #parents #influence #child´s #development #teacher
Parents are the first people the child meets.
Hence
, why some people think they have the most influence on academic development
while
 others think
teachers
 have more impact.
This
 essay will discuss both views and explain why in my opinion
teachers
 have more effect than parents. At
first,
parents are the first
teachers
 of their offspring. They have to teach them everything including the child's attitude toward education learning.
Moreover
, there are some lessons they have to teach their son before attending any school
such
 as eating or counting. More importantly, they are the ones who choose the children's school for them.
Therefore
, they have a lot of control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the juvenile's academic improvement.
However
, their educators
also
 have a lot of impact on their growth. Education is essential for everyone.
Hence
, it is important for teacher to have the ability to teach with easy understanding educate their student with fundamental things, and prepare them to face society in the future.
Additionally
, they can teach various topics more than mere guardians are capable of. With the right teacher, they can guide students to their interests, create their ambitions, and inspire them to pursue their goals which is something guardians cannot interfere with. In conclusion, fathers and mothers indeed have the power to shape their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
future in academic aspects but they cannot teach them every subject or know how to teach as the educators do.
Teachers
 must teach and use their best performance to educate their students so they have the most impact on children.
Submitted by krittaphastaishan on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Connecting phrases or sentences would help achieve this flow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, such as citing studies or real-life scenarios that demonstrate parental or teacher influence.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea for maximum clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both views and stating your opinion.
logical structure
Your essay presents a clear structure with distinct sections for each perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
You successfully convey the critical role of both parents and teachers in the academic development of a child, acknowledging the strengths of both sides.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic development
  • influence
  • nurturing environment
  • pedagogical methodologies
  • tailor teaching methods
  • individual learning needs
  • external perspectives
  • motivation
  • structured approach
  • peer interaction
  • social learning
  • collaboration skills
  • evaluate understanding
  • provide feedback
  • nurturing home environment
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