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Band 4.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities and other believe it is imporatant for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #imporatant
Nowadays, there are two groups of
parents
 who organize their
children
's leisure
time
. In the first group, there are
parents
 who encourage their
children
 to take part in organized group
activities
. In the second one, they let to
learn to
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 their
children
 how to occupy themselves on their own. We are
therefore
 faced with two opposite situations. Talking about the first type of
parents
, they put their
children
 in a situation in which they have to necessarily do something. Some examples are school
activities
 like
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 part of a lecture group or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
. These types of
parents
 usually do not mind about what their
children
 want to do. They probably sign them up to organized groups only because
children
 don't know what to do in their free
time
.
However
, regarding the second type of
parents
, they supposedly
let
Verb problem
give
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full freedom to their sons and daughters to choose how to occupy their leisure
time
.
This
 freedom can sometimes
bring
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 these
children
 to waste
time
 doing useless
activities
, like playing video games. By doing so, there is the possibility to ignore your responsibilities like doing homework and your school
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
. Having said that, in my opinion, there is not a right decision and a wrong one. I think
parents
 could have to sign their
children
 up to some organized
activities
 only if
children
 waste
time
 in their leisure. If you have a son who studies in his free
time
 and receives good marks at school, it does not make sense to sign him up
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any type of activity.
Submitted by mattiahsbubich on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Consider organizing your points logically and ensuring they flow naturally from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, focus on providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints clearly, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of each perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the context of the discussion, and the conclusion provides a personal opinion, which completes the argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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