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Band 6

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disgaree?

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals #disgaree
Some say that schools are primarily aimed at turning
students
 into excellent residents and employees rather than seeking personal gain.
This
 author completely agrees with
this
 statement because they are said to pave the way for a class-based
society
 and seem to be an opportunity to find talented people, and can
also
 be a hope for the future. the future of their community in an effort to gain greater reputation and trust. As usual, schools are primarily seen as places that educate
students
 to conform to the norms of their communities. That's because
students
' morals are being adjusted to fit
society
.
As a result
, their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 improves over time with politeness and kindness, which can lead to a standard community.
For example
, Japan is a country famous for its people's politeness thanks to an education system that emphasizes learner behavior.
This
 is an opportunity for associations and state officials to find talented individuals from schools.
According to
 the explanation, if
students
 have good academic performance, they will have more job opportunities.
Additionally
, learners will be targets of prominent companies and even governments. Take Harvard
for example
, a place of hope where companies are looking to recruit its
students
 and
also
 contribute to the reputation of their community. In all aspects, I completely agree with
this
 author's statement because it is beneficial to
society
 and is
also
 a place that hopefully opens the way for excellent people to work for large associations, who can
also
is
Verb problem
help
show examples
 the government. their government and contribute to their development.
society
's beliefs.
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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to make the thesis statement clearer. For example: 'I completely agree with this statement because schools aim to create a class-based society, identify talented individuals, and contribute to the community's future reputation and trust.'
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. For example, the second paragraph could start with: 'Firstly, schools are essential in educating students to conform to societal norms.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and singular focus. The points about 'politeness' and 'Japan' could be more developed and connected back to the main argument about schools' purpose.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the case of Japan and Harvard, which help to illustrate the points being made.
task achievement
The author clearly argues their position and provides multiple reasons to support their viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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