Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disgaree?

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals #disgaree

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Some say that schools are primarily aimed at turning

students

into excellent residents and employees rather than seeking personal gain.

This

author completely agrees with

this

statement because they are said to pave the way for a class-based

society

and seem to be an opportunity to find talented people, and can

also

be a hope for the future. the future of their community in an effort to gain greater reputation and trust. As usual, schools are primarily seen as places that educate

students

to conform to the norms of their communities. That's because

students

' morals are being adjusted to fit

society

As a result

, their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

improves over time with politeness and kindness, which can lead to a standard community.

For example

, Japan is a country famous for its people's politeness thanks to an education system that emphasizes learner behavior.

This

is an opportunity for associations and state officials to find talented individuals from schools.

According to

the explanation, if

students

have good academic performance, they will have more job opportunities.

Additionally

, learners will be targets of prominent companies and even governments. Take Harvard

for example

, a place of hope where companies are looking to recruit its

students

and

also

contribute to the reputation of their community. In all aspects, I completely agree with

this

author's statement because it is beneficial to

society

and is

also

a place that hopefully opens the way for excellent people to work for large associations, who can

also

Verb problem

help

show examples

the government. their government and contribute to their development.

society

's beliefs.

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task achievement

Consider rephrasing the introduction to make the thesis statement clearer. For example: 'I completely agree with this statement because schools aim to create a class-based society, identify talented individuals, and contribute to the community's future reputation and trust.'

coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. For example, the second paragraph could start with: 'Firstly, schools are essential in educating students to conform to societal norms.'

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and singular focus. The points about 'politeness' and 'Japan' could be more developed and connected back to the main argument about schools' purpose.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant examples, such as the case of Japan and Harvard, which help to illustrate the points being made.

task achievement

The author clearly argues their position and provides multiple reasons to support their viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disgaree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language. Do you agree with this opinion?

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In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?