IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

#punishment #countries #argue #parents #right #children
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In the contemporary world, the topic of physical
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
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 has been in debate for decades,
although
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 it is against the law to punish anyone physically
but
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apply
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a few locations around the world still practice
this
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 trend.
while
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,
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apply
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 certain groups of people are of the opinion that
parents
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 can have the
privilage
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privilege
 to penalize their
youngsters
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 to nurture in
a right ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
a right way
right ways
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. Personally, I agree with the given statement and in the following paragraphs, I shall explain my reasons for
this
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belives
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believes
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. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed nations,
parents
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 are strictly against physical
abuses
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abuse
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 of any kind against their
kids
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.
Firstly
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, it is believed that
youngsters
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 who are penalized in their growing period often have difficulty expressing their thoughts and Ideas.
Moreover
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, these
kids
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 are always afraid to share accidents happening at schools or
playground
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playgrounds
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 because they are scared.
For example
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, many children all around the world getting abused by their Friends, Families and colleagues, because they have some ideas from their body language that he/she will not report incidents to
parents
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 or police. In the old golden days, certain sections of middle-class families had a belief that physical punishment
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 the only way to nurture, and I agree with their viewpoint. When teens are in their learning stage, they tend to make
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a
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couple of mistakes that are not good for their well-being.
For instance
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, if a child hits their elders, they will be smacked to teach them a lesson.
Moreover
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, if
youngsters
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 are spending too much time on their phones rather than studying, they know that if they have bad academic performance they will be punished. All these actions accounts to be in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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favor of
youngsters
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 because no
parents
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wants
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want
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 their
kids
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 to have
a
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an
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 unhappy life.
To conclude
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, it is right that many
parents
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 do not like giving any kind of punishment to their
kids
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 but on the flip side it is always better to teach them
lesson
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lessons
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 in their teens.
Submitted by lovjotsandhu1 on

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task achievement
Try to clarify the reasons behind your opinion in a more structured way. You mention agreement with physical punishment but also include points that seem to argue against it. This creates a lack of clarity in your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The essay jumps from idea to idea without clear transitions, which impedes the overall flow and logical progression of your argument.
general
Revise to improve grammatical accuracy and sentence variation. For instance, "In the old golden days, certain sections of middle-class families had a belief that physical punishment is the only way to nurture, and I agree with their viewpoint." could be clarified.
task achievement
You provide both perspectives on the topic, which demonstrates an understanding of different viewpoints, helping to create a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good overall structure.
task achievement
Incorporates specific examples, making the arguments more relatable and grounded in reality.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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