Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Violence
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in playgrounds is an increasing concern in many communities around the world. Bullying and aggressive
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behavior
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behaviour
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among
children
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not only affect the victims but
also
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shape the personality and future
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
of the perpetrators.
This
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essay will discuss the negative impact of
playground
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violence
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on
children
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and explain the vital roles that both
parents
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and
schools
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must play in addressing
this
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issue.
To begin
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with,
playground
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violence
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can have serious long-term effects on
children
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's mental and emotional well-being.
Children
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who are bullied may suffer from anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and fear of social interaction.
For example
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, a close friend of mine was regularly bullied in her school
playground
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. Her classmates would slap and physically hurt her, which resulted in her becoming extremely introverted and socially anxious.
This
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early trauma affected her ability to build friendships and trust others.
Such
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incidents highlight the importance of preventing
violence
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at an early stage.
Parents
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play a crucial role in shaping their
children
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's
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. They must teach them about empathy, kindness, and respect for others. If
parents
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ignore signs of aggression or fail to correct rude
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behavior
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behaviour
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,
children
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may believe that
violence
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is acceptable.
Furthermore
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, studies have shown that
children
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can develop positive
behavioral
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behavioural
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changes when corrected at a young age.
However
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, as they grow older, it becomes more difficult to change harmful habits.
Therefore
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, parental involvement and discipline are essential in preventing bullying.
In addition
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to
parents
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,
schools
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must
also
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take responsibility. Educational institutions should conduct awareness campaigns and provide regular sessions on the consequences of
violence
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. Teachers should monitor
children
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's interactions and take immediate action when bullying is observed.
Schools
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should create a safe environment where all students feel protected and supported. In conclusion,
violence
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in playgrounds can severely affect
children
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's mental health and personality development.
Parents
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must guide their
children
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with strong moral values, and
schools
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should actively work to create a respectful and safe environment. By working together, both
parents
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and
schools
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can significantly reduce
playground
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violence
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and help
children
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grow into respectful and confident individuals.

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task achievement
You provided clear reasons for your points and examples from real life, which is excellent. Try to link your ideas even more clearly to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, consider using more linking words to connect your ideas for better flow.
task achievement
You have strong examples that support your argument, which makes your essay more convincing and relatable.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and summarise your main points well. This is an important part of essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • escalation of violence
  • peaceful conflict resolution
  • defuse tense situations
  • self-control
  • managing emotions
  • express themselves
  • resolve problems
  • foster a safer environment
  • lead by example
  • empathy and understanding
  • alternative strategies
  • life skills
  • retaliate
  • confrontation
  • non-violent communication
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