IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #students #study #science #effects #society
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Nowadays, it can be seen that
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 countries
students
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 are not encouraged to study
science
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 as a
subject
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. The main reason behind it is
due to
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 the education system is not appropriate for
students
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.
As a
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result
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result,
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 it could bring a vast amount of damage
on
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to
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 our economic growth in a
country
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 Most of the educational industries are not good enough to provide quality education,
therefore
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, so many
students
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 ignore the importance of
science
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 as a
subject
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.
For example
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, Navid wanted to become a computer engineer but he
wasn
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'
t
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 able to apply for
this
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 course because he
wasn
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'
t
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 able to
full fill
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fulfil
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 the requirements given by the university.
Main
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The main
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 reason was he
wasn
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'
t
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 a
science
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 student
in
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at
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 his HSC level and no one
encourage
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encouraged
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 him to take
science
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 as a
subject
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 and that failed him to become an engineer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
by
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apply
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not choosing
science
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 as a
subject
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 could
danger
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 a
country
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's society
to balance
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from balancing
show examples
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 for their
country
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Bangladesh
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
country
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 of nature,
this
Linking Words
country
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 was
depended
Replace the word
dependent
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 on their agriculture, but
due to
Linking Words
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
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 rate of graduates from
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science
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the science
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 department,
this
Linking Words
country
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wasn
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'
t
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 able to continue
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 tradition and profit from agriculture. They had to bring people from
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
country
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 and had to invest more than local people.
Therefore
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, their society
breakdown
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broke down
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 into pieces and
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 were damaged by
this
Linking Words
 issue. In conclusion, to balance both
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 and economic growth of a
country
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; a
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country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 education system should be more productive to ensure their
students
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 are choosing
right
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the right
show examples
subject
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 for their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. So, that can bring an effective improvement to the society as well.
Submitted by AL NURE FOYZUR REZA SUPRIO on

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task achievement
Try to expand on the ideas presented with more detailed explanations and examples. Your arguments can be strengthened by elaborating on points, such as the educational system's flaws in more detail or the societal impacts of limited science education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph follows logical order and doesn't jump between ideas. Try to stick to one main idea per paragraph for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay features an introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the problem and offer a potential solution, creating a strong structural foundation.
task achievement
You identify key issues such as the education system's inadequacies and socioeconomic consequences, which are relevant and demonstrate comprehension of the problem.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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