IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, few people believe that big highrise
buildings
Use synonyms
 are important for
cities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, opponents think that
schools
Use synonyms
 and
hospitals
Use synonyms
 are more essential, so the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to spend its funding on the development of these things.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I will discuss both statements and my personal opinion in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs. It is
a truth
Correct word choice
true
show examples
 that many big
cities
Use synonyms
 in some developing countries are struggling with housing problems
due to
Linking Words
 less space to build new single or double-story houses, and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 some individuals are protesting to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. Unfortunately, The
government
Use synonyms
 needs to build high-rise
buildings
Use synonyms
 to make a private space for many families,
for example
Linking Words
, in India and China where the population faced significant growth in a very short period of time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it's commonly seen in many big
cities
Use synonyms
 that houses are very expensive and unaffordable for a middle-class person.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, apartments in big
buildings
Use synonyms
 are cheap and affordable too. So these are some main reasons, why impressive big
buildings
Use synonyms
 are important for a city.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Hospitals
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 play a crucial role in society. To extend
this
Linking Words
, In most developing countries, people are poor and suffering from various diseases, and they are asking to develop more and more
hospitals
Use synonyms
 so that they can save their lives, but the
government
Use synonyms
 neglects their needs and tries to focus on big
cities
Use synonyms
 or on their capital.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 in poor nations are running without some basic facilities like electricity and water.
As a result
Linking Words
, parents do not like to send their children to
schools
Use synonyms
, and they are trying to provide them
basic
Change preposition
with basic
show examples
 education at their homes. So it's essential to develop
schools
Use synonyms
 and
hospitals
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the Housing problem is the main reason behind investing in big
buildings
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
hospitals
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 are the basic needs of each and every person. In my personal opinion, I like to say that both things are important to run a smooth society, so the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to spend equal funds on both facilities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction more explicitly by stating what you believe is the most important aspect between buildings, schools, and hospitals.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is connected to your thesis statement. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from developing countries to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, and you transition well between discussing the importance of buildings and the essential nature of schools and hospitals.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • architecture
  • landmarks
  • skyline
  • infrastructure
  • tourism
  • investment
  • heritage
  • iconic
  • public funds
  • healthcare
  • education
  • sustainability
  • urban planning
  • social responsibility
  • cost-effective
  • community needs
  • development
  • civic pride
  • allocation
  • budgeting
What to do next:
Look at other essays: