IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Do you think all students should have to study music? Support your opinion with reasons and examples.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern technological world, many
students
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 pay more attention to technological devices rather than studying
music
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. Some argue that
music
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 education does not play a main role in
students
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' lives,
while
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 others think the opposite. I strongly disagree with the former statement, and
this
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 essay will explain why. First and foremost, learning about musical instruments, genres and techniques contributes to children's cognitive development. When learners participate in singing or playing musical instruments they gain knowledge about rhythm, tempo, and harmony.
Moreover
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, it was proved that dancing and singing guide
students
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 to deal with challenging emotions,
such
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 as anger and anxiety.
For example
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, some schools in Russia allocated
music
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 therapy classes where
students
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 close their eyes and move in a free way.
As a result
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, these individuals become self-aware about their bodies becoming more confident and calm.
Additionally
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, classical
music
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 offers a great variety of musical works that tell the most famous stories about historical events.
Hence
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, for those who better memorise new facts and learn by listening, it becomes more entertaining and interesting to learn about history.
For instance
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, various Russian composers created long-lasting orchestral masterpieces about World War II
fascinating
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fascinated
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 many people.
Consequently
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, it can be a quite beneficial way to discover history through
music
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 for those who can not remember the information visually. In conclusion,
music
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 fosters the mental and cognitive development of
students
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 making the learning process more entertaining. In my opinion, educating individuals about different
music
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 styles, and compositors, attending concerts, and engaging in
music
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 activities hold tremendous benefits to a child's growth.

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structure
To improve your score, ensure that your essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a separate main idea. Start with an introduction where you present the topic and your thesis statement. Then, develop each main idea in its own paragraph, supported by specific examples. Finally, conclude by summarizing your points and restating your opinion.
coherence
Enhance your coherence by using a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will make your argument flow more naturally. Additionally, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with explanations and examples.
task response
Address the task directly by ensuring your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. Develop your main points clearly and support them with specific, relevant examples. Be sure to stay on topic and make your argument logically and persuasively, demonstrating a clear position throughout.
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