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Band 4.5

Nowadays number of older people select to live in retirement communities with other people rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days , a lot of older humans decide to inhabit
in
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apply
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senior living communities with their peers preferably to reside with their grandchildren. I think that it is the worst concept
on
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for
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 retired human beings because
old-aged
Correct your spelling
old
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 people have only
duty
Correct pronoun usage
one duty
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is to help to bring up their generation
on
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in
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 the right way including
saying
Verb problem
talking
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 about history and goodness and
honest
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honesty
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 of the world to their grandkids.But there are other sides
of
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to
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this
 idea ,
for instance
, their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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alternated to negative
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 when they would be older . By the dwelling retired individuals with the same character owners .Tolerating balky identity. First of all, every person
on
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in
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this
 life has
the
Correct article usage
an
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end like others . Retired humans feature changes regularly when they become older like babies. So their house members do not tolerate anger and demanding inquiries and even argue with them.
As a result
, old-aged ones relocate on their own. Peers like them imitate others and have a thought. To take the spaceman, the Uzbek
time
Fix the agreement mistake
Times
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 newspaper announced that the extent of moving to elderly housing increased significantly from 30% to 85%.
Secondly
, being elder folks in every family has a vital role and affects positively . They make rules , put pressure and manage every
adults
Change to a singular noun
adult
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 on time.They have
dual
Add an article
a dual
the dual
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 impact
to
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on
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 extra family income with their pension fee. They are the best
counselors
Change the spelling
counsellors
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 for younger citizens before their special projects and supervise their mistakes by giving evidence from particular
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 too.The reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
 are they meet millions of partners ,communicate with them and even conduct from their position. By the way of
nutshell
Add an article
a nutshell
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, in my opinion, it has got more positive sides
being
Change preposition
to being
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 elderly folks in every family as
counselors
Change the spelling
counsellors
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.
Then
, youths are under
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
 of their grandparents. Adults
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are making complex schemes ask an advice from their retired members because of their experience of life they encountered.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer organizational structure. Consider using more defined paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs using transition words and phrases.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples and explanations for your main points to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic by stating your opinion clearly, which is important for Task Achievement.
task achievement
There are some interesting points and examples mentioned, particularly in relation to cultural aspects.
coherence cohesion
Your writing shows an understanding of the topic's complexity, which is a good start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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