IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In some communities, senior citizens are significantly valued,
although
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 in other countries youngsters are preferred.
However
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, the old population group plays a considerable role in the country, I believe that the young should be taken into consideration. On the one hand, the elder
people
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 maintain the environment in which the cultural heritage is passed on to the next generations. As they teach the historical heritage of their children,
this
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 trend continues almost forever.
For example
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, In India, old
people
Use synonyms
 are highly valued;
as a result
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, their historical traditions are not forgotten.
Furthermore
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, senior citizens have life experience which helps society in order to solve the problem. If
people
Use synonyms
 face difficulties in their social life, the first solution is approaches to the old
people
Use synonyms
 to take advice.
Thus
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,
this
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 tendency has a positive impact on the formation of the community.
On the other hand
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, despite the older aid when
people
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 grapple with a problem, the youth provide a long-term impact on the country. One of the obvious reasons is that teenagers are more likely to learn new knowledge. The old
people
Use synonyms
 can not know today's technology, these weaknesses might lead to the firing from their workplace.
For instance
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, individuals work in the IT industry, which changes day by day, they cannot know all the features of the technology, if they need it, they just research, analyze and implement
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
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 their project. In conclusion,
whereas
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 prioritizing the elderly
people
Use synonyms
 has a positive impact on the growth of the population, I am of the opinion that youngster fosters not only the economy but
also
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 technological advancements in the country.

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coherence cohesion
The essay should have a clear and well-organized structure. It would be beneficial to develop more logical connections between the paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
While the essay has a reasonable introduction and conclusion, it is essential to develop the main points further to ensure they comprehensively support the conclusion.
task achievement
To make the argument stronger, try to integrate more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will provide depth to your essay and can make your point clearer.
task achievement
Make sure the main ideas are clearly distinguished and supported throughout the essay. This can enhance clarity and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
The essay address the topic directly and attempts to cover both aspects of the discussion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a balanced view on the subject.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided that illustrate the point being made, which aids in supporting the argument being presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Elderly
  • Accumulated wisdom
  • Tradition and history
  • Guidance
  • Family life
  • Cultural practices
  • Innovation
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic productivity
  • Adaptable
  • Globalized societies
  • Physical attributes
  • Labor force
  • Economic growth
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