IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Research has shown that spending much less time in office can reduce the use of energy(for example,electricity,gas).Thus,some companies close for some days a week.Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Research conducted on the
usage
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 of
energy
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 revealed that by spending fewer hours in the
office
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, businesses can save fundings of electricity and gas. I opine that the drawbacks of
this
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 trend outweigh the advantages, as
companies
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 can make more profit by working from their own
office
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 and be more productive.
Firstly
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,
companies
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 should run their businesses from the
office
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 to increase income. To illustrate, in spite of saving
money
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 from utilities and
energy
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usage
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, the
office
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 is the best place to work, to interact with clients, which can lead to an increase in income.
As a result
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,
money
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 spent on
energy
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usage
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 becomes nothing compared to the profit gained.
Moreover
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, offices should work continuously to attract clients and for meetings, since clients are the main source of income.
As a result
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,
money
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 spent on
energy
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usage
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 becomes nothing compared to the profit gained.
Secondly
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,
minimizing
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minimising
show examples
office
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 hours/days can lead to a decline in productivity of employees.
In other words
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, if
companies
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 start to reduce working days in the
office
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, workers can lose their empathy for work
due to
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 the long pauses.
This
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, in turn, causes the falls in
companies
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' prestige and productivity.
For instance
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, one company in Uzbekistan started working from a distance to save
money
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 on
office
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 rent and utilities.
This
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 resulted in noticeable falls in sales of that business. To recapitulate, nowadays, reducing
office
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 time for saving
energy
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 and
money
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 is being experienced by certain
companies
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, and I think the disadvantages of
this
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 will outweigh the advantages.

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task response
Make your main idea very clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Explain why the bad points are stronger than the good points with one more clear reason.
task response
Use one clear example and explain it more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Put each main idea in its own paragraph and do not repeat the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way, like First, Also, However, As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence clearly grows from the one before it.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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