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Band 5

More and more people are moving away from an Agricultural background to relocate in order to look for work, what will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

#people #background #work #consequences #offer
In the
last
 decade, the majority of the people who have an agricultural background have intended to relocate to the downtown or ever
the
Correct article usage
apply
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faraway places, with
this
 aspiration
which would be found
Wrong verb form
to find
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 appropriate
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for them. if
this
 trend
is continued
Wrong verb form
continues
show examples
, we will face incredible effects in the near future.
This
 essay will look at the
primiry
Correct your spelling
primary
 effects and propose some solutions.
To begin
, one of the significant consequences of relocating
farmer
Fix the agreement mistake
farmers
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 from
rural
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the rural
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 would be
lack
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a lack
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 of expert
workfore
Correct your spelling
workers
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that zones,
thus
 the price of all fresh products
such
 as
a fruits
Correct the article-noun agreement
fruits
a fruit
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,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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vegetables,
a
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apply
show examples
crops and so on could be increased exponentially and admittedly would
detrimental
Change the adjective
detrimentally
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 affect on making
living
Add an article
a living
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 of all citizens. To tackle
this
 problem, the government should devote
the
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apply
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subsidization
on
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to
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 these essential goods,
also
they
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apply
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provide financial incentives for the farmers to work on their farms
instead
 of moving to other places. Another effect could be inclining congestion
on
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in
show examples
 the urban areas particularly in the center of the cities
therefore
this
 issue would have
negative
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a negative
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imapct
Correct your spelling
impact
impacts
 on
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the environments
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environments
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environment
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 and
the
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apply
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cause of
increasing
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increase
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 in the properties. a solution is for the people to support the farmers by purchasing
thsese
Correct your spelling
these
kind
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kinds
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 of
the
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apply
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production directly from them and suppressing the dealers who often buy at
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
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 value and sell at the highest price.
To sum up
, the best way to address the relocation of
the
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apply
show examples
some rural citizens is
that
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to
show examples
encouraging
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encourage
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,
motivating
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motivate
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 and
supporting
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support
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 them to stay
at
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in
show examples
 their regions. From my perspective, these
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are forced to move and the majority of them do not desire
for leaving
Change preposition
to leave
show examples
 their homes.
Submitted by mahyarnaseri on

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language
Work on using more concise and straightforward sentence structures to convey your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using more cohesive devices and transition words to guide the reader through your points smoothly.
introduction conclusion
The essay contains a well-rounded introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main topic and the proposed solutions effectively.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to address the task response by discussing both the consequences and solutions related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good logical structure by organizing ideas into clear paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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