In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Or Some cultures value old age while others value young age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #cultures #value #age

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The

Correct article usage

Society

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society

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is constituted by a mix of different peoples and

culture

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cultures

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. Black and white, old and young, rich and poor, and all the differences make the world a place where diversity

have

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has

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to be part of

peoples

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people's

show examples

lives. Or should be. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will be talking about why some cultures

value

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aged

people

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while

Linking Words

others

value

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the youngest, and I will be giving my own

opition

Correct your spelling

opinion

option

. We are living in a world where old

people

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do not have their

value

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. Years ago

Linking Words

for

Add the comma(s)

, for

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example, a 30 years old woman

were

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was

show examples

consider

Wrong verb form

considered

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an really old woman, even nowadays there is still a lot of prejudice against

woman

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women

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ages in special but

overal

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overall

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

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still

punishe

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punish

punishes

punished

people

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the

Change the word

their

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age

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Some

Change preposition

In some

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cultures old

people

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are more welcome in order to

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

experience

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

life ,

beside

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besides

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that ,

experience

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avoid

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avoids

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mistakes, old

people

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are more

conservatives

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conservative

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and they

are carrying

Wrong verb form

carry

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with them all past

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experience

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experiences

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which is so important to know where we are coming from. Old

peple

Correct your spelling

people

make part of

heritage

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the heritage

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While

Linking Words

other cultures

value

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young

age

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because of the reflection of the education they had or the

value

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they believe

such

Linking Words

as , young

people

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tend to be more modern and than they are more

qualify

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qualified

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expecific

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specific

jobs. They could be more

energic

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energetic

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and take more risks. Young

people

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could be less sick

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apply

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and may

Unnecessary verb

apply

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not have

memories

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memory

show examples

Change preposition

of healthy

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healthy

Replace the word

health

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issues,

hence

Linking Words

would be more suitable

Change preposition

for

show examples

some

ativitys

Correct your spelling

activities

activity

. In my opinion, nowadays

people

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are

Correct quantifier usage

apply

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looking after themself, doing more

exercices

Correct your spelling

exercise

exercises

eating

Correct word choice

and eating

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healthy

Change the word

healthily

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, which will reflect in

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

longevitety

Correct your spelling

longevity

. The

governament

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government

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

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to provide a decent NHS for the population

have

Fix the infinitive

to have

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acesss

Correct your spelling

access

to the right treatment and promote programs more inclusive for old

age

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and

starts

Correct subject-verb agreement

start

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teaching at school a new language, where old

mean

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means

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experience

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moreover

Linking Words

explain the

value

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of the

experience

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

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To conclude

Linking Words

, if we have a

society

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which is teaching the importance of respect to others, we are going to live in a place with more compassion, where does not matter just the

age

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, but the capacity of

people

Use synonyms

have to offer.

Submitted by amandaoliveirastylist on Mon Nov 18 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing why some cultures value older people while others value younger people, and you give your own opinion. Consider expanding your discussion with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to develop a clearer, more logical structure to enhance the flow of ideas. Organize your ideas into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the question.

Language Accuracy

There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Proofread your work to correct these issues, focusing on subject-verb agreement and appropriate expressions.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the essay and gives a clear indication of the direction of your discussion.

Personal Engagement

The opinion presented is personal and adds a reflective touch to your essay, which is appreciated in IELTS writing.

Content Understanding

You demonstrate an understanding of different perspectives on age valuation in various cultures, which shows insight into the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

356 words

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In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Or Some cultures value old age while others value young age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

The first car appeared on British roads in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the past, students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this developments?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?