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In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Or Some cultures value old age while others value young age. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #cultures #value #age
The
Correct article usage
Society
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society
 is constituted by a mix of different peoples and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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. Black and white, old and young, rich and poor, and all the differences make the world a place where diversity
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be part of
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. Or should be. In
this
 essay, I will be talking about why some cultures
value
 aged
people
,
while
 others
value
 the youngest, and I will be giving my own
opition
Correct your spelling
opinion
option
.  We are living in a world where old
people
 do not have their
value
. Years ago
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, a 30 years old woman
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
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 an really old woman, even nowadays there is still a lot of prejudice against
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 ages in special but
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 still
punishe
Correct your spelling
punish
punishes
punished
people
 by
the
Change the word
their
show examples
age
.
Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
 cultures old
people
 are more welcome in order to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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experience
in
Change preposition
apply
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life ,
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 that ,
experience
avoid
Change the verb form
avoids
show examples
 mistakes, old
people
 are more
conservatives
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conservative
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 and they
are carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
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 with them all past
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 which is so important to know where we are coming from. Old
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 make part of
heritage
Correct article usage
the heritage
show examples
.
While
 other cultures
value
 young
age
 because of the reflection of the education they had or the
value
 they believe
such
 as , young
people
 tend to be more modern and than they are more
qualify
Change the form of the verb
qualified
show examples
 to
expecific
Correct your spelling
specific
 jobs. They could be more
energic
Correct your spelling
energetic
show examples
 and take more risks. Young
people
 could be less sick
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not have
memories
Fix the agreement mistake
memory
show examples
Change preposition
of healthy
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healthy
Replace the word
health
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 issues,
hence
 would be more suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
ativitys
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
. In my opinion, nowadays
people
 are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
looking after themself, doing more
exercices
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
,
eating
Correct word choice
and eating
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 more
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
, which will reflect in
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
longevitety
Correct your spelling
longevity
. The
governament
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to provide a decent NHS for the population
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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acesss
Correct your spelling
access
 to the right treatment and promote programs more inclusive for old
age
 and
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 teaching at school a new language, where old
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
experience
,
moreover
 explain the
value
 of the
experience
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
To conclude
, if we have a
society
 which is teaching the importance of respect to others, we are going to live in a place with more compassion, where does not matter just the
age
 , but the capacity of
people
 have to offer.
Submitted by amandaoliveirastylist on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing why some cultures value older people while others value younger people, and you give your own opinion. Consider expanding your discussion with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to develop a clearer, more logical structure to enhance the flow of ideas. Organize your ideas into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the question.
Language Accuracy
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Proofread your work to correct these issues, focusing on subject-verb agreement and appropriate expressions.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the essay and gives a clear indication of the direction of your discussion.
Personal Engagement
The opinion presented is personal and adds a reflective touch to your essay, which is appreciated in IELTS writing.
Content Understanding
You demonstrate an understanding of different perspectives on age valuation in various cultures, which shows insight into the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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