IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Sports play a significant role in promoting physical and mental well-being. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#sports #role
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Physical activity become one of the most important
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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 of our life. It has been long proven that without
sport
Use synonyms
 we age faster.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, one of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
a necessity
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 of physical education lessons in school.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement. Some people believe that teaching
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 is a bad use of
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 claim that PE
as
Correct your spelling
is
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need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 as
another lessons
Replace the adjective
another lesson
other lessons
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such
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 as Math, biology and so on.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
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 following essay will examine both points of view before presenting a reasoned conclusion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I agree with
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
the opinion
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, that having
sport
Use synonyms
 in schools is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
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 some children are more interested in science and they would like to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 reading a book or something else
instead
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
 type of subject sometimes can be boring.
As a result
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, it leads to
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
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 to have more
time
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 productive.
Conversely
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, opponents of
this
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 view argue that activity in studies is
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 thing. It could be explained by the fact that
such
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 lessons teach children to cooperate and communicate in teamwork.
Moreover
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, it develops people physically. Despite the arguments mentioned above,
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 behave a discipline and even can help to avoid problems with fatigue.
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are convincing arguments on both sides, it definitely seems clear
for
Change preposition
to
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 me that
sport
Use synonyms
 is
indispensable
Add an article
an indispensable
the indispensable
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 part
in
Change preposition
of
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 childhood.
Additionally
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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it is
mandatory
Add an article
a mandatory
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 subject, that can
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Achievement
In your essay, the response doesn't fully engage with the prompt about the role of sports in physical and mental well-being. Try to address the topic more directly and explore its aspects thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using linking words for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to back up your points. For instance, you could discuss specific benefits of sports on mental health or academic performance.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.
Task Achievement
You explore both sides of the argument, which is a good practice in balanced essay writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical well-being
  • mental well-being
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • weight management
  • endorphins
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • team sports
  • social skills
  • friendships
  • teamwork
  • life skills
  • discipline
  • time management
  • perseverance
  • cognitive function
  • concentration
  • academic performance
What to do next:
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