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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Sports play a significant role in promoting physical and mental well-being. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#sports #role
Physical activity become one of the most important
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of our life. It has been long proven that without
sport
 we age faster.
Nevertheless
, one of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
a necessity
show examples
 of physical education lessons in school.
However
, there is no absolute agreement. Some people believe that teaching
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 is a bad use of
time
,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 claim that PE
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 as
another lessons
Replace the adjective
another lesson
other lessons
show examples
such
 as Math, biology and so on.
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 following essay will examine both points of view before presenting a reasoned conclusion.
On the other hand
, I agree with
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
the opinion
show examples
, that having
sport
 in schools is a waste of
time
.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
show examples
 some children are more interested in science and they would like to spend their
time
 reading a book or something else
instead
.
Furthermore
,
this
 type of subject sometimes can be boring.
As a result
, it leads to
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
 to have more
time
that is
 productive.
Conversely
, opponents of
this
 view argue that activity in studies is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 thing. It could be explained by the fact that
such
 lessons teach children to cooperate and communicate in teamwork.
Moreover
, it develops people physically. Despite the arguments mentioned above,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 behave a discipline and even can help to avoid problems with fatigue.
To sum up
,
while
 there are convincing arguments on both sides, it definitely seems clear
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 me that
sport
 is
indispensable
Add an article
an indispensable
the indispensable
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 part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 childhood.
Additionally
Add a comma
,
show examples
it is
mandatory
Add an article
a mandatory
show examples
 subject, that can
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Achievement
In your essay, the response doesn't fully engage with the prompt about the role of sports in physical and mental well-being. Try to address the topic more directly and explore its aspects thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using linking words for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to back up your points. For instance, you could discuss specific benefits of sports on mental health or academic performance.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.
Task Achievement
You explore both sides of the argument, which is a good practice in balanced essay writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical well-being
  • mental well-being
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • weight management
  • endorphins
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • team sports
  • social skills
  • friendships
  • teamwork
  • life skills
  • discipline
  • time management
  • perseverance
  • cognitive function
  • concentration
  • academic performance
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