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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.

The graph below shows the number of visitors to three museums between 2000 and 2005.
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The graph represents the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to three museums from 2000 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
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Museum
Use synonyms
 in
chine
Correct your spelling
China
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 and the MET in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 have upward trends,
while
Linking Words
 the
Edo-Tokyo
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
when
Correct your spelling
went
show examples
 through a period of instability. It's important to point
that
Change preposition
out that
show examples
, The National
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 had the highest number of
visitors
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between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these three museums. In 2005, the National
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museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 received
most
Correct article usage
the most
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visitors
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 with 16
million
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,
while
Linking Words
Edo-Tokyo
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 received 10
million
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 and MET received 14
million
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. MET had the least
visitors
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 in 2001 with only 6
million
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. In 2000
Edo-Tokyo
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Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 had the most
visitors
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 of its own,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by MET with 12
million
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 and
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 with
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 6
million
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.
However
Linking Words
,
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Edo-Tokyo
Correct article usage
the Edo-Tokyo
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 had a dramatic fall until 2003,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
constant National
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museum
Capitalize word
Museum
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 showed climbing figures. During
this
Linking Words
 time the number of
visitors
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the MET
museum
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also
Linking Words
 decreased, but after 2003 the figures climbed back. In conclusion, the National
Use synonyms
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 in Chine
Correct your spelling
attracted
atracted
Correct your spelling
attracted
 the most
visitors
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 between 2000 and 2005,
while
Linking Words
 the MET had an increase and the
Edo-Tokyo
Use synonyms
 experienced a dramatic and steady fall.36

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, museum, edo-tokyo, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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