IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #pleasure #time #imagination #television
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Society agrees that a person who loves to read in their free time for pleasure has more
imagination
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 than those who prefer to watch
television
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. I encourage
this
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 because I do feel
people
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 who read more often usually need to push their brains to get a better visualization, so they can feel the attachment with the storyteller. Reading a novel or a book is not everybody's type, and it requires a full of concentration. To be able to read in their free time is the same as indulging their brain in new things, new words, and new fantasies, and it is building up your
imagination
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 to get to the storyline.
For instance
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, the article from New York Times magazine data in 1990 showed that
people
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 who read more often increased their memories and
imagination
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 by 35 per cent compared to
people
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 who watch
television
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.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who prefer to watch
television
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 get more entertained by the visualization and usually have a better understanding of the storyline.
For instance
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, the Harry Potter movies are based on a best-selling novel by J.K Rowling and their first season of movie tickets sold 765.972 in Indonesia, which is higher rather than the novels. Even though watching
television
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 is more entertaining, I do believe that reading more often will have a positive impact
such
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 as indulging your brain in new fantasies so the readers can get a better
imagination
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 and visualization.
Submitted by adedode on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider providing more balanced examples that support both reading and television watching. Including data or studies related to the impact of television on imagination would also strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between ideas, especially when contrasting reading with television watching. This will help provide a more seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance, supporting the idea that reading can improve imagination compared to watching television.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear start and finish to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the Harry Potter movies and a New York Times article, to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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