IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Work
Use synonyms
 helps to develop the nation's economy and
also
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 provides a balanced
life
Use synonyms
 for the people. In some countries, people want to find
work
Use synonyms
 for a living so they have to move away from their friends and families.
This
Linking Words
 will help us to find the advantages and disadvantages of
work
Use synonyms
.
Work
Use synonyms
 makes
life
Use synonyms
 happy and
also
Linking Words
 it helps to develop the nation and family. So people need to find a job to lead a happy
life
Use synonyms
 and for
this
Linking Words
, they need to move to another place by leaving their friends and families in the present or up to 5 years of
work
Use synonyms
 in another place and after the
work
Use synonyms
 time finished there means they can arrive to their native area and start a business for themself. First leaving their home town makes them sad but in future, it makes them happy in their
life
Use synonyms
 and they can provide employment for others helps to develop the country's economy.
For example
Linking Words
, an individual travels frequently between countries for
work
Use synonyms
, often on a fixed basis and it helps them to earn more. Finding a job in another area makes them get irritated but they have to be calm until getting proper
work
Use synonyms
. Getting
work
Use synonyms
 means they need to survive at
work
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 need to make extra for others but their main problem is feeling lonely, thinking about their family and friends
this
Linking Words
 makes them feel regretful in present and
also
Linking Words
 they need to focus on
work
Use synonyms
 and avoid
this
Linking Words
 homesickness
this
Linking Words
 makes to get develop in future.
For example
Linking Words
, they have to readjust their
life
Use synonyms
 in the working area and they feel insecure there but they have to adjust to it. In conclusion, the advantages of working in other places will give them experience and help them to face any situation in their
life
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 help them to make some hard decisions in their
life
Use synonyms
 but the disadvantages make them immoveable in
life
Use synonyms
 so the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure and introduces the topic well. However, it would benefit from clearer paragraphing. Each main point should be in a separate paragraph, and those paragraphs should have clear topic sentences that summarize the main idea.
task achievement
Ensure each point is well-supported with relevant examples. The examples provided are somewhat generic; more specific, detailed examples would strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to fully explain the advantages and disadvantages before weighing them against each other in the conclusion. This will help provide a more balanced response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, clearly stating the main idea and summarizing your stance.
task achievement
You have a sound understanding of the need to balance discussing both advantages and disadvantages.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: