Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people,while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In these modern days in many cities around the world, one of the places which is the most visited is a museum, because in
this
space the
people
from any country could learn about many subjects,
such
as history or social culture.
Whereas
, education is not the only purpose of museums, but
also
these areas are created to entertain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
This
essay will discuss the reasons why museums exist for
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.
Firstly
, the first objective of a museum is to give the population ways to educate.
Therefore
, in that
institution
Add a comma
institution,
show examples
people
can find skills for improving any specific subject, in many cases about art, the study of the past, or biology. A good example of
that is
the Natural History Museum of London, which is a place where adults and
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
can learn about animals and geology.
A
Correct your spelling
As
show examples
for mention,
this
type of
institut
Correct your spelling
institute
exists for education.
On the other hand
, another objective of the exhibition is entertaining.
Hence
,
while
people
are learning, they can enjoy moments: playing or watching videos about biology over time.
For instance
, in Explora
park
Capitalize word
Park
show examples
in
Medellin
Add a comma
Medellin,
show examples
the visitor might improve their knowledge about the functions of the body,
while
they are playing interaction games. For that reason, exhibition rooms aim to be entertaining.
To sum up
,
expositions
Correct your spelling
exhibitions
show examples
are made for many purposes, one of them is giving learning- skills to individuals, and the second one is allowing
people
to enjoy the exhibitions with games, because visitors might learn
while
they are playing.
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic and avoids veering off into tangents.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the introduction to more clearly outline the discussion of both views.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen the arguments presented.
Task Achievement
Improve the clarity of some complex sentences by breaking them into simpler ones.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly discusses both views on the purpose of museums, balancing them well.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
There are specific examples, such as the mention of the Natural History Museum of London and Explora park, which enhance the response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next, aiding readability and understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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