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Band 8

Some people believe the Olympic Games don’t belong to the 21st century anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #olympic #games #don’t #st #century
The
Olympic
Games
 have been a symbol of unity and sportsmanship for centuries, but some argue they are outdated in the modern world.
While
 certain aspects of the
Olympics
 may seem less relevant in today’s context, I believe that the
Games
 continue to hold significant value in the 21st century.
This
 essay will explore both perspectives before concluding that the
Olympics
 remain an essential global event. Critics of the
Olympic
Games
 often highlight issues
such
 as excessive commercialization, environmental impact, and the enormous financial burden on host countries.
For instance
, hosting the
Games
 requires billions of dollars, much of which could be better invested in education, healthcare, or infrastructure.
Additionally
, the construction of new venues and facilities often leads to environmental damage and displacement of local communities. These challenges make some question whether the
Games
 align with the priorities of the modern world.
On the other hand
, the
Olympic
Games
 offer unparalleled opportunities for fostering international unity and celebrating human achievement. The event brings together athletes from diverse backgrounds, promoting cultural exchange and mutual respect.
Moreover
, the
Games
 inspire millions of people worldwide to pursue sports and adopt healthier lifestyles. The advancement of technology has
also
 made the
Olympics
 more accessible to global audiences, enhancing their relevance and appeal in the digital age. In conclusion,
while
 the
Olympic
Games
 face challenges in adapting to the demands of the 21st century, their core values of unity, sportsmanship, and inspiration remain timeless. By addressing their environmental and financial drawbacks, the
Games
 can continue to be a meaningful tradition that unites the world.
Therefore
, I disagree with the view that the
Olympics
 no longer belong to the modern era.
Instead
, they should evolve to reflect the values of contemporary society.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument regarding the Olympic Games' financial and environmental impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and responds comprehensively to the task question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and your viewpoint, while the conclusion summarizes your arguments well and presents a final clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically organized and supported with relevant details.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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