IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to measure someone's success is to look at how much money that person has. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#measure #someone #success #money #person
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Everyone admires a person
where
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 they are a famous figure or someone close to them.
This
Linking Words
 feeling of admiration stems from how one perceives success in their own eyes. Success is not solely measured in
money
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but by fulfillment of one’s ideal visions and accomplished goal.
Firstly
Linking Words
, not everyone who has
money
Use synonyms
 is successful and not everyone who is successful has
money
Use synonyms
 as
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 favourable result deviates from one's mindset to another.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend and sister both have different visions
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what a successful life is. For my friend,
money
Use synonyms
 is the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a perfect life as wealth is her definition
prosperity
Change preposition
of prosperity
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
 people she looks up to are usually self-made millionaires or billionaires.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 my sister believes family is what completes one’s life, her opinion of accomplishments is happiness amongst family and relatives .
Secondly
Linking Words
, a
humans’
Change noun form
human’s
show examples
 desire doesn’t stand only in making
money
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
attaining
Change preposition
in attaining
show examples
 their most desired career path
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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 it pays well or not
hence
Linking Words
 some choose to achieve their dream of being an artist, attorney, teacher and many other professions one can dream of.
For example
Linking Words
, my cousin dreams of being a famous sculptor so people can admire and interpret interpreted own way her work. Her own ideal prioritising profession and not what her future income would be. On the whole, success is a subjective concept made by ideals and
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 wealth might be someone’s end goal, family, personal happiness and career others seek based on what they
thrive
Verb problem
strive
show examples
 for.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task response
Make sure to provide a stronger introduction and conclusion that clearly summarize your stance and reinforce your main points.
task response
Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and clarity to enhance comprehension.
task response
The essay clearly presents a stance on the issue and attempts to explore different viewpoints.
task response
Effective use of examples to illustrate personal viewpoints, which demonstrates understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Presence of an introduction and conclusion, which help organize the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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