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The best way to measure someone's success is to look at how much money that person has. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#measure #someone #success #money #person
Everyone admires a person
where
Correct word choice
who
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 they are a famous figure or someone close to them.
This
 feeling of admiration stems from how one perceives success in their own eyes. Success is not solely measured in
money
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but by fulfillment of one’s ideal visions and accomplished goal.
Firstly
, not everyone who has
money
 is successful and not everyone who is successful has
money
 as
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
 favourable result deviates from one's mindset to another.
For instance
, my friend and sister both have different visions
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what a successful life is. For my friend,
money
 is the key
for
Change preposition
to
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 a perfect life as wealth is her definition
prosperity
Change preposition
of prosperity
show examples
,
therefore
 people she looks up to are usually self-made millionaires or billionaires.
In
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 my sister believes family is what completes one’s life, her opinion of accomplishments is happiness amongst family and relatives .
Secondly
, a
humans’
Change noun form
human’s
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 desire doesn’t stand only in making
money
, but
also
attaining
Change preposition
in attaining
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 their most desired career path
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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 it pays well or not
hence
 some choose to achieve their dream of being an artist, attorney, teacher and many other professions one can dream of.
For example
, my cousin dreams of being a famous sculptor so people can admire and interpret interpreted own way her work. Her own ideal prioritising profession and not what her future income would be. On the whole, success is a subjective concept made by ideals and
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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.
Although
 wealth might be someone’s end goal, family, personal happiness and career others seek based on what they
thrive
Verb problem
strive
show examples
 for.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task response
Make sure to provide a stronger introduction and conclusion that clearly summarize your stance and reinforce your main points.
task response
Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and clarity to enhance comprehension.
task response
The essay clearly presents a stance on the issue and attempts to explore different viewpoints.
task response
Effective use of examples to illustrate personal viewpoints, which demonstrates understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Presence of an introduction and conclusion, which help organize the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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