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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows information about the recruitment of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #recruitment #teachers #ontario #summarise #features #comparisons
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The provided line graph illustrates the
proporttions
Correct your spelling
proportions
proportion
 of
first year
Add a hyphen
first-year
show examples
English
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 and French
teachers
Use synonyms
 in
Onterio
Correct your spelling
Ontario
 in considering the year of graduation from 2001 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend of
English
Use synonyms
teachers
Use synonyms
 declined from 2001 to 2007.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
recruitement
Correct your spelling
recruitment
 of French
teachers
Use synonyms
 increased slightly over the period. The graduates from 2001 and 2002, have deteriorated the
recruitment
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 of both
teaches
Replace the word
teachers
show examples
 around 10%
English
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teaches
Replace the word
teachers
show examples
 and 20% French
teachers
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.
However
Linking Words
, the rate of
English
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teachers
Use synonyms
recruitment
Use synonyms
continuesly
Correct your spelling
continued
dropped
Change the verb form
to drop
show examples
 to 40% in 2003 and
then
Linking Words
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 rose
near
Change preposition
to
show examples
 45% in 2005 and reached it is lowest which was just below 30% in 2007. When considering French
teachers
Use synonyms
, the rate of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 rose unevenly from 2002 to 2006
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 reached it is
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 point (nearly 70%). The rate of
recruitment
Use synonyms
 for both graduates
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
inclined
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2003 to 2005 and
then
Linking Words
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
English
Use synonyms
 teacher's
recruitment
Use synonyms
 declined in 2002 to 2003,
while
Linking Words
 French
teachers
Use synonyms
 were increased.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words english, teachers, recruitment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • steady increase
  • growing demand
  • notable decline
  • budget cuts
  • student enrollment
  • temporary stabilization
  • policy adjustments
  • economic improvements
  • post-2005
  • long-term educational strategies
  • recruitment needs
  • budgetary restraints
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