IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses

#business #bank #information #loan #finance #company #money #length #time #addresses
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Dear Sir/Madam, I'm writing
this
 letter requesting information on obtaining a business loan to finance my startup company. I would like to start my clothing brand with the designs I have sketched. It would require about 100,000 dollars in total credit from you to establish my online and offline
store
. I would like to keep the time period for repayment as 5 years. As a student of a recent graduate of fashion student from NYU University, I have dreamt of having my own label. I have made a business plan in detail and would like to discuss it with the bank. There will be an offline
store
 located on
fifth avenue street
Correct your spelling
Fifth Avenue Street
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along with
 an online
store
 targeting the entire USA.
Furthermore
, I would like to expand by opening stores in another location.
This
 would require a sum amount of 100,000 dollars. With the money I will
initially
 secure materials, finalise the
store
 by making a deposit , start production, and hire human resources. With the market's high demand at the present duration,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to keep the credit period short and pay it off in 5 years.
Hence
 I am requesting bank details on obtaining a business loan to finance your new small company. Regards, Mayuri
Submitted by mayuri_3006 on

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grammar
Ensure subject-verb agreement and proper noun capitalization, e.g., 'As a student of a recent graduate of fashion student from NYU University' might be intended to read 'As a recent graduate in fashion from NYU University.'
clarity
Clarify repetitions in your request. Try to clearly and concisely ask for the information you need about obtaining a business loan.
content
The letter provides detailed information about the business plan, including the type of business, amount needed, and repayment time.
tone
The tone of the letter is formal and appropriate for a letter to a bank.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • business loan
  • finance
  • capital
  • entrepreneur
  • startup
  • investment
  • repayment period
  • repayment schedule
  • principal amount
  • interest rate
  • financial assistance
  • business plan
  • profit potential
  • market analysis
  • industry opportunities
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