IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Wild animals have no right in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is clear that
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 we are living on a planet where natural resources
such
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 as rainforests, wildlife, and oceans play an important role in our well-being.
While
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 there are ongoing debates about whether the conservation of wild
animals
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 can be considered a waste of resources, I strongly believe that human beings have no right to extinct other creatures for two compelling reasons.
To begin
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 with, Earth is not just for mankind.
This
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 planet has existed for over ten million years, and during
this
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 time, there has been a natural balance between different parts of the ecosystem. But
people
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 disrupt
this
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 balance by doing disruptive activities; take the wildlife and loss of
species
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 as an obvious example. Over the course of a few years, humans have constructed an increasing number of zoos and tribal parks in order to attract
people
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 and earn money.
As a result
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, not only breeding numbers have declined, but
also
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 the natural balance of hunting and poaching among
animals
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 has been demolished.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 have a responsibility to protect the
species
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 on
this
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 planet because biodiversity is essential for the well-being of our environment. Efforts should be made to protect
animals
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.
For instance
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, studies have shown a clear link between the awareness of the public and their behaviour with
animals
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. They suggest that educating
people
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 to avoid buying products made from certain
species
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 or organizing to protect
animals
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 and have harsher
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
show examples
 for poaching and illegal hunting could be helpful. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 argue that not all
animals
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 are worth saving and some of them are dangerous, I once again restate my opinion that
animals
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 have rights
as well as
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 humans. In fact, we should not destroy their natural habitat and use them to earn money. Plus, we are responsible for them and should do our best to protect them. It is the only way some
species
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 can be protected from extinction.

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well. However, the introduction could further clarify your stance early on to immediately engage the reader with your argument.
task achievement
The main points of your essay are well-supported and relevant, but be sure to consistently use specific examples or data to strengthen your viewpoint in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with ideas clearly laid out and flowing in a coherent manner.
task achievement
Your argument is compelling, with a wide range of vocabulary that effectively conveys your stance on the topic.
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