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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With rising concern about environmental degradation, some argue that the government should hold individuals accountable for their environmental impact. Do you agree or disagree?

#concern #degradation #argue #government #individuals #impact
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As the world continues to globalize,
people
 believe that every person has to be responsible for their impact on the environment over the authority. I partially agree with
this
 opinion, since the ministry cannot be a single driver to mitigate issues caused by environmental decline. Environmental problems should be tackled by making individuals responsible for their negative actions against
nature
 in every situation through being controlled by the authority. The
government
 should have the right to force
people
 to be conscious about the environment, giving penalties and fines and even imprisoning them in jail where they broke the law related to
nature
. In most cases, the
government
 suffers from financial strain because of sponsoring financially for volunteer work targeted at keeping
nature
 clean and safe.
In other words
, activities based on minimizing the effects of environmental decadence may require a huge amount of money in the budget of the
government
 with no income in the end, causing issues
such
 as unemployment, fewer public facilities, and a lack of access to basic necessities. As long as the
government
 implements a law for the public to save
nature
 as fresh and clean as possible, it may direct the money on other fields, improving the
overall
 lifestyle of
people
as a result
.
However
, making individuals accountable for their actions toward
nature
 cannot overcome environmental concerns completely
due to
 globalization across the world. With the development of technology, a hectic lifestyle has emerged among
people
, leading to time management concerns. Overload of work, childcare, and housework often involve plenty of time, resulting in less attention and time to environmental degradation.
Therefore
, every individual might not be able to deal with everything in
this
 current modernized world. Another factor why individuals are unable to stand for those troubles is new types of issues that are rising
together with
 cutting-edge inventions
such
 as space exploration.
This
 is not something that can be done with the help of politics.
For example
, space trash and gases have to be cleaned by special machines with special preparedness.
Thus
, there are many cases that every person is not able to do appropriately except for just cleaning the surface of the ground from trash,
such
 as bottles, paper, and leaves of trees. In conclusion, even though
people
 can at least slow down the process of environmental discredit, the
government
 plays a major role in the environment regardless of the difficulties it faces.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to substantiate your points, especially in the second argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the next for seamless cohesion.
task achievement
Refine some of the wording for greater precision and formal tone.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that present your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and organization are well done, making your main points evident.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task comprehensively and offers a two-sided view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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