Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care but others say walking and jumping stairs are more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many

individuals

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believe going to the gym and clubs affects their health more,

while

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another

group

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of people believes doing sports on

one

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's own, like taking walks and jumping stairs are better choice. I agree with the first

group

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, and in the following essay, I will explain my reasons. On the

one

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hand, it is argued by several

individuals

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that gyms and clubs are more equipped, and

one

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has a wide variety of choices when they exercise in these places. These centres have very specific machines and devices appropriate to various body parts, and

also

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a person's aim to choose the movement. To illustrate, professional gymnasiums have so many different choices and machines that not even all the staff working there are able to use them in the correct way, so, there are instructions written on them, to help the users use them properly. Another reason why

this

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group

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prefers to go to

such

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places for healthcare is the experts working there. There are members who have been exercising there and now instruct the newcomers. Some doctors work in big clubs to assist the trainers in creating a more flourishing atmosphere. So, it is dramatically beneficial for community members to attend

such

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places, and boost their health status.

On the other hand

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, the second

group

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argues that gym and club fees are too expensive, and it is a waste of money to pay for something you can do yourself.

Besides

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, they do not like the specified time

individuals

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have to attend, and not having flexible hours.

For example

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, the time for the aerobics class is different from the weight training course, and because of

this

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, members have to be present at the centre whenever they are told to.

Thus

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this

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group

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individuals

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likes exercising on their own much better. I strongly believe enrolling in gyms, enjoying the place, and benefiting from the professionals working there can be much more thriving than exercising alone which can lead to damaging consequences. It is impossible for a household to prepare all the pieces of equipment that are available in gymnasiums and sports centres, and,

in addition

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, ordinary people lack the knowledge of proper ways of movements, and it may not only have any good effect but

also

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can hurt muscles and even bones drastically. In conclusion,

although

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people have different beliefs about being healthy and fit, in my opinion, registering in professional institutes, and exercising under a professional's observance is the most thriving way on the condition that

one

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does not have financial problems, and can afford the fees.

faranakasadzadian

Nov 20, 2024

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relevant specific examples

Ensure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. While you have mentioned some points regarding gym equipment and time flexibility, it would be helpful to incorporate more concrete examples to fully support your views.

complete response

Provided a comprehensive response to the essay question by discussing both views and presenting a clear opinion.

logical structure

The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that reiterates the writer's opinion.

supported main points

Each main point is well-supported with explanations contributing to well-developed arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

427 words

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