The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.
The proportion of obese
children
in western
nations has grown by approximately 20% since ten years ago. Capitalize word
Western
This
essay will discuss primary
reasons and possible outcomes of Correct article usage
the primary
this
trend.
The main reason for the increase of children
with obesity is that the
outdoor activities Correct article usage
apply
such
as trekking and jogging, riding
bicycles are losing Correct word choice
and riding
its
popularity. Since online platforms and graphics have been developed significantly, Correct pronoun usage
their
children
's interest
have Fix the agreement mistake
interests
shift
from outside Wrong verb form
shifted
leisures
to some indoor hobbies, Fix the agreement mistake
leisure
for instance
, computer games, videos
which Correct word choice
and videos
requires
less Correct subject-verb agreement
require
excersise
. Correct your spelling
exercise
Therefore
, children
now don't have many opportunities to burn calories
they get from their diet. Another clear factor is the improvement of food security which Correct article usage
the calories
attributes
to the development Wrong verb form
is attributed
in
Change preposition
of
distributional
industry. Now that food factories can get ingredients produced from all over the world Add an article
the distributional
in
a Change preposition
at
cheeper
price, some groceries have become considerably affordable even to Correct your spelling
cheaper
children
. Hence
, children
can easily buy junk-foods
and snacks which contain a lot of sugar and fat that lead to Correct your spelling
junk foods
over-wheight
.
A possible Correct your spelling
over-weight
mojor
effect Correct your spelling
major
by
the rise of Change preposition
of
children
who are not in shape is the damage of
self-confidence across Change preposition
to
young
generation. Correct article usage
the young
Children
who gain weight will certainly experience a sort of change in their apperance
, and some might be depressed Correct your spelling
appearance
for example
by noticing that clothes they used to wear don't fit them anymore. What is worse is that the life
expectancy is likely to become shorter because obesity often triggers other serious health issues, such
as cardio diseases, highpressure
or a blood clot which Correct your spelling
high pressure
high-pressure
make
it hard for them to live a long Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
life
.This
is clear from the fact that Asian countries such
such
as Japan and Korea have a longer Remove the redundancy
apply
averagely
Change the word
average
life
compared to western
Capitalize word
Western
country
Change the noun form
countries
such
as the USA or Canada.
In conclusion, outdoor sports becoming less popular could be one reason for overweight
Correct article usage
the overweight
children
growing its percentage in Add an article
the western
western
Capitalize word
Western
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
As a result
, those nations might suffer from the young feeling less confident and a shorter life
expectancy.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
Consider providing more examples and elaborating on your points with specific evidence or anecdotes. For instance, discuss a specific example of a child you know or read about who suffered due to reduced outdoor activities.
task achievement
Ensure all points are fully developed, and evidence or illustrations are used to reinforce arguments.
coherence cohesion
Minor grammar issues are present, such as "over-wheight" instead of "overweight" and "mojor" instead of "major." Consider proofreading to correct these errors.
coherence cohesion
Vary sentence structures to improve the flow and maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
The essay presents clear ideas and addresses both causes and effects of childhood obesity, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with appropriate division into paragraphs is evident, helping the reader follow your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The topic remains focused and the main ideas are supported with some examples, enhancing the essay's clarity.
Your opinion
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