IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices would help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#government #investment #transport #systems #reductions #ticket #prices #pollution
Environment degradation is one of the most worrying crises of the twenty-first century. It is proposed by some scholars that authorities should spend funds in developing better and cheaper public
transportation
 systems to lower pollution. I completely agree with the discussed scenario and some points explaining my viewpoint will be given below. First of all, if the regime
will introduce
Wrong verb form
introduces
show examples
 efficient and cheaper modes of
transportation
,
then
 more number of the masses will use it
instead
 of private vehicles which will decrease the traffic. There will be
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 pollution
will
Correct word choice
and will
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 number of vehicles on the roads will decrease.
For example
, In Toronto
covinent
Correct your spelling
city
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
faster
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
trains are mostly used by the citizens
due to
 which traffic has
reduced
Add a missing verb
been reduced
show examples
 to
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 scale
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
air quality
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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has improved over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period of
time
.
Hence
, wider use of the buses and trains is inversely promotional to better air quality. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, improving the connectivity across the county can save the
time
 of the local people. If dwellers can save
time
 for commuting to work,
then
 they utilize it for other productive things like doing overtime and focusing on their personal health.
For example
, A study in the city of Tokyo was conducted that after the introduction of the bullet trains efficiency of the employees in sectors increased by 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. As
time
 that citizens of Japan used to spend on travelling was utilized
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 personal well-being and work.
Therefore
, in various studies across the world is seen that a better
transportation
 system improves the economy, Considering all the points above,
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
transportation
 system leads to saving
time
 and reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution. words 276/500
Submitted by simrantiwana1086 on

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task response
Ensure more clarity in topic sentences and main ideas for each paragraph. The connection between public transportation and economic benefits can be further explained.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas throughout the essay. For instance, using phrases like 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' and 'Additionally' could improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Conclude with a clear summary of the main points rather than just a brief re-iteration. This strengthens the cohesion of the essay.
task response
The essay offers a strong introduction where a clear position is stated.
task response
There are concrete examples used, such as the use of go trains in Toronto and bullet trains in Tokyo, to substantiate the claims.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph tackles a separate idea, which helps organize the argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • carbon footprint
  • mass transit
  • subsidization
  • fare reduction
  • environmental impact
  • urban planning
  • public policy
  • commuter behavior
  • infrastructural development
  • economic efficiency
  • equitable access
  • lifestyle shift
  • congestion
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