IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and will use up the world’s resources. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that aeroplanes become the first choice for travellers. It is often argued that airbuses are consuming extreme amounts of fuel and degrading the environment, so banning flights is essential to reduce pollution.
However
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, I firmly disagree with the given notion, because there are many other factors that are more hazardous for nature rather aeroplanes. Apparently, now
aircraft
Use synonyms
 are an essential vehicle for the population, planes help to travel long-distance journeys in a minimum time period.
In other words
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, it is true that airbuses are harmful to the climate because their thrust engines heavily rely on fuel consumption, which exhausts CO2.
Although
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aircraft
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 emissions are harmful to the climate, banning flights would cause even greater disadvantages, including negative impacts on the economy, longer travel times, and significant effects on international relations.
For example
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, it has been shown that international imports and exports of goods and services through commercial
aircraft
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 have been at their peak over the
last
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 decade,
this
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 practice has harnessed the economic conditions of many nations. Probing ahead, focusing on other factors provides easy habitat restoration
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 over-reliance on personal vehicles, Industrialization and the use of nuclear reactors to generate commercial electricity,
instead
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 of restricting international air services.
Furthermore
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, individuals and organizations are highly misusing natural resources and these activities will create difficulties for future generations.
For example
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, the overuse of gasoline by private vehicle holders and multinational companies is the main culprit of global warming.
Therefore
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, restricting airbuses will never reduce pollution, but alternative approaches, including eco-friendly production options, and using public transport
instead
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 of personal cars will create positive impacts on the atmosphere. In conclusion, I believe that the contribution of
aircraft
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 is significant, as they connect the world with their frequent services and strengthen economic conditions and international relationships.
Hence
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, it is apparent that strict regulations on flights will encourage more difficulties.

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear stance on the issue, which is essential for task response. However, make sure to develop your points more thoroughly to enhance clarity and depth in your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is overall logical, with clear paragraphs for each point. To improve coherence, consider using better transitions between ideas to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant, but including more specific data or studies would strengthen your position and make your arguments more persuasive. This can help in showing the broader context of your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your argument.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging the environmental impact of air travel while also arguing for its necessity, which adds depth to your argument.
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