The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many advanced countries lean forward toward educating the young generation,
however
Linking Words
, some hold the view that the government should allocate resources to improve the rate of literacy of older people. From my perspective, I partly agree with the latter idea, but I think the former idea
also
Linking Words
has some valid points. On the one hand, juniors play a significant role in the development of nations.
In other words
Linking Words
, children are the future of the
country
Use synonyms
, because they are valuable human resources with better capabilities and a developed mindset.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investments in educational initiatives for young people not only provide an outstanding generation but
also
Linking Words
develop the
country
Use synonyms
and
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan, which is well-known for its educational system, mainly focuses on educating children early.
Hence
Linking Words
, their rate of literacy is impressively high, resulting in economic development.
However
Linking Words
, educational support from the government for seniors leads to equality in jobs and a better
society
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, those who have a higher educational status can have more opportunities to get well-paid jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
phenomenon results in lowering the rate of crime and poverty in
society
Use synonyms
, creating a healthy environment and a better
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in America, the government has recently implemented some campaigns to ease the illiterate, which are later reported to minimize the level of unemployment and stealing in the
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, prioritizing education for young people will help strengthen the nation's development.
However
Linking Words
, helping older ones to learn is one of the crucial priorities for the advancement of the
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nguyenhung1705mmt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay is well-organized, consider providing more nuanced examples or evidence to reinforce your points, especially when supporting the importance of adult education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next by using transitional phrases, which will enhance the coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by clearly stating your stance, outlining the main arguments for both sides.
task achievement
The essay presents specific examples, like the case of Japan and America, which effectively illustrate the points being made.
introduction conclusion
You have concluded the essay succinctly, summarizing the main arguments and reinforcing your stance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: