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Band 7

The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money
Nowadays, many advanced countries lean forward toward educating the young generation,
however
, some hold the view that the government should allocate resources to improve the rate of literacy of older people. From my perspective, I partly agree with the latter idea, but I think the former idea
also
 has some valid points. On the one hand, juniors play a significant role in the development of nations.
In other words
, children are the future of the
country
, because they are valuable human resources with better capabilities and a developed mindset.
Therefore
, investments in educational initiatives for young people not only provide an outstanding generation but
also
 develop the
country
 and
society
.
For example
, Japan, which is well-known for its educational system, mainly focuses on educating children early.
Hence
, their rate of literacy is impressively high, resulting in economic development.
However
, educational support from the government for seniors leads to equality in jobs and a better
society
.
Firstly
, those who have a higher educational status can have more opportunities to get well-paid jobs.
Moreover
,
this
 phenomenon results in lowering the rate of crime and poverty in
society
, creating a healthy environment and a better
society
.
For instance
, in America, the government has recently implemented some campaigns to ease the illiterate, which are later reported to minimize the level of unemployment and stealing in the
country
. In conclusion, prioritizing education for young people will help strengthen the nation's development.
However
, helping older ones to learn is one of the crucial priorities for the advancement of the
country
.
Submitted by nguyenhung1705mmt on

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task achievement
While your essay is well-organized, consider providing more nuanced examples or evidence to reinforce your points, especially when supporting the importance of adult education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next by using transitional phrases, which will enhance the coherence of the essay.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay by clearly stating your stance, outlining the main arguments for both sides.
task achievement
The essay presents specific examples, like the case of Japan and America, which effectively illustrate the points being made.
introduction conclusion
You have concluded the essay succinctly, summarizing the main arguments and reinforcing your stance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
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