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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more,rather,than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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According to
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 creating a competitive environment whether at their
work
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 or daily life becomes a good thing for them.
Nevertheless
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, the other side believes that they should try to collaborate
instead
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 of competing against each other. In
this
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 regard, I would argue that always collaborating in our job is the best option for us.
Firstly
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, option one which some
people
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 want to think that competition in their
work
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 or their daily life is a good point.It is assumed by them that when you begin to compare yourself with your counterparts you’ll commence to fulfill all your
work
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 faster than your workmates.Apparently,in
this
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 case, you want to make a difference in order to reach the highest point.Doubtless,
this
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 improves all your skills and
this
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 factor impacts not only your experience but
also
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 your wage.
Additionally
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,another obvious reason is that competition can motivate
people
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 to get higher ranks.
However
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, I more believe firmly believe that it is more beneficial to
work
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 collaboratively, as your company can accomplish their projects.
Additionally
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, all employees can share knowledge and skills in order to obtain a common goal.
For instance
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, most of the facilities implement their tasks with discussion.
Furthermore
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, cooperation in any facility enhances your communication abilities.
Therefore
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,all your skills will upgrade with working
together with
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 your workmates. In short,many
people
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 nowadays have differing ideas as regards
workingwork
Correct your spelling
working
 with a team or creating a competitive environment in their workplace, school or any other facilities.
However
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,the other side thinks that they may try to cooperate more,rather,than rivals striving against each other.I have come to the conclusion that striving with a group is more beneficial than engaging alone through assignments.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports a central argument. For example, the second paragraph may seem slightly repetitive with similar ideas. Ensure each part brings a unique perspective to enhance task response.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more varied examples to strengthen the argument. Specific examples add depth and demonstrate a strong grasp of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical connectors and transitions align well with the ideas you present, so the reader can follow your thoughts more comfortably.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay appropriately.
task achievement
Your essay touches on both views of the topic, indicating a balanced approach.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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