IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

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In recent years, there has been disagreement about the
age
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 at which
children
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 should start learning. Some believe that the earlier
education
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 begins, the better,
while
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 others believe that 7-8 years is a more appropriate
age
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 for
this
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. I completely agree with the latter point of view.
First,
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as
children
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age
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 and become aware of the world around them, they become more prepared to learn. With
age
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,
children
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 develop the ability to perceive complex concepts and perform intellectual tasks.
In addition
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, at a later
age
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,
children
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 can gain a greater understanding of what surrounds them and what they want to do in the future. Before starting formal
education
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, they must go through kindergarten, where they learn important social skills and complete biological development.
For example
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, in the UK,
children
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 start school at the
age
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 of 8-9, and
this
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 does not prevent them from achieving excellent results in exams, which confirms the effectiveness of a later start of
education
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.
On the other hand
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, proponents of early
education
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 argue that the earlier
children
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 start school, the more knowledge and skills they will receive, which will help them in the future.
For example
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, in China,
children
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 start school at the
age
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 of four, which is becoming the norm in society.
This
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 approach contributes to a high level of knowledge in mathematics and other sciences, but it can
also
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 create excessive pressure on
children
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. In conclusion, despite some advantages of early
education
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, I believe that the best
age
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 to start studying is 7-8 years old.
This
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 allows
children
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 to be emotionally and mentally ready for full-fledged learning, which ultimately contributes to their successful development.

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task achievement
Provide additional examples from different countries to further support your points.
task achievement
Include a broader range of perspectives on early education to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Add more linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay clearly responds to the task by discussing both viewpoints on children's education age.
task achievement
Arguments are well-supported with examples and reasoning, making them convincing and clear.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay successfully guides the reader through the introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph contributes to the main argument, exhibiting a strong cohesion throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • formal education
  • advisable
  • structured learning
  • academic skills
  • socialization
  • competitive edge
  • cognitive development
  • language acquisition
  • play-based learning
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • cognitive abilities
  • reduce stress
  • childhood
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