IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

That the government should be responsible for the education of it's citizen while others feel that they shud pay for their own education. Discuss both views and give ur opinion

#government #education #citizen #shud #ur
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education
Use synonyms
, like food and water, is a fundamental necessity for survival.
While
Linking Words
 developed
countries
Use synonyms
 often provide free
education
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
, in many parts of the world,
parents
Use synonyms
 must bear the financial burden of schooling.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores both perspectives and argues that governments should sponsor
education
Use synonyms
 up to a certain level. Some believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should bear the cost of their
children
Use synonyms
’s
education
Use synonyms
 to ensure they value it. Many
parents
Use synonyms
 strive to provide the best possible
education
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
, often opting for private
schools
Use synonyms
 with higher standards. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 has led to the commercialization of
education
Use synonyms
, with private school
fees
Use synonyms
 skyrocketing and additional costs
such
Linking Words
 as donations and registration
fees
Use synonyms
 becoming the norm.
This
Linking Words
 system widens the gap between the educated and the uneducated, as poorer families often cannot afford private schooling.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, private school
fees
Use synonyms
 are exorbitant, comparable to the cost of higher
education
Use synonyms
 in some
countries
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 public
schools
Use synonyms
 exist, they often lack the resources and quality to compete with private institutions forcing people to choose private
schools
Use synonyms
 and pay for
education
Use synonyms
 there.
In contrast
Linking Words
, government-sponsored
education
Use synonyms
, funded by taxpayers, ensures universal access to learning.
This
Linking Words
 approach can lead to a 100% literacy rate, which is crucial for a nation’s progress. An educated workforce contributes to economic growth and innovation, as seen in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 like Canada and the United States. These nations provide free
education
Use synonyms
 up to the 12th grade, and their high-quality systems are a cornerstone of their global economic success.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
parents
Use synonyms
 save on tuition
fees
Use synonyms
, they can invest in extracurricular activities that nurture their
children
Use synonyms
's
overall
Linking Words
 development.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can participate in activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, music, or self-defence classes, helping them explore their interests and build skills beyond academics.
Such
Linking Words
 opportunities create well-rounded individuals who are better equipped for the future. For example, since
schools
Use synonyms
 are free in Canada, with the additional money I saved, I was able to enrol my daughter in karate classes for self-defence and it
also
Linking Words
 helps her stay fit.
Thus
Linking Words
, by investing in free, high-quality
education
Use synonyms
, governments can lay the foundation for a brighter and more equitable future. In conclusion,
education
Use synonyms
 is a vital pillar for a child’s development and a nation’s success. In
countries
Use synonyms
 where
parents
Use synonyms
 bear the financial burden of
education
Use synonyms
, families often struggle with overstrained budgets, leading to educational divides, inequality, and illiteracy. I firmly believe that
education
Use synonyms
 should be government-sponsored, as seen in most developed nations, where free
education
Use synonyms
 reduces inequality, fosters national prosperity, and allows families to focus on enriching their
children
Use synonyms
’s
overall
Linking Words
 growth and development.
Submitted by mbasheerdange on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay is very comprehensive and well-structured, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are even smoother to enhance flow.
task achievement
Avoid minor spelling errors such as 'shud' instead of 'should,' since the rest of your essay is very diligently written.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction succinctly sets up the context and states the central argument clearly, drawing readers in with a compelling overview.
supported main points
You have provided specific examples to support your views, such as references to India's and Canada's educational systems, which reinforce your arguments effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and logically follows from the preceding arguments, reiterating your stance clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public education
  • taxpayer funds
  • equal opportunity
  • socio-economic barriers
  • educational standards
  • individual responsibility
  • economic burden
  • government-funded
  • accountability
  • personal investment
  • educational inequality
  • innovation
  • specialization
  • quality education
  • financial capacity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: