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Writing Samples
Band 6

That the government should be responsible for the education of it's citizen while others feel that they shud pay for their own education. Discuss both views and give ur opinion

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Education
Use synonyms
, like food and water, is a fundamental necessity for survival.
While
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 developed
countries
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 often provide free
education
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 for
children
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, in many parts of the world,
parents
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 must bear the financial burden of schooling.
This
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 essay explores both perspectives and argues that governments should sponsor
education
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 up to a certain level. Some believe that
parents
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 should bear the cost of their
children
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’s
education
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 to ensure they value it. Many
parents
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 strive to provide the best possible
education
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 for their
children
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, often opting for private
schools
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 with higher standards. Unfortunately,
this
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 has led to the commercialization of
education
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, with private school
fees
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 skyrocketing and additional costs
such
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 as donations and registration
fees
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 becoming the norm.
This
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 system widens the gap between the educated and the uneducated, as poorer families often cannot afford private schooling.
For instance
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, in India, private school
fees
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 are exorbitant, comparable to the cost of higher
education
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 in some
countries
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.
While
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 public
schools
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 exist, they often lack the resources and quality to compete with private institutions forcing people to choose private
schools
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 and pay for
education
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 there.
In contrast
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, government-sponsored
education
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, funded by taxpayers, ensures universal access to learning.
This
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 approach can lead to a 100% literacy rate, which is crucial for a nation’s progress. An educated workforce contributes to economic growth and innovation, as seen in developed
countries
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 like Canada and the United States. These nations provide free
education
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 up to the 12th grade, and their high-quality systems are a cornerstone of their global economic success.
Moreover
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, when
parents
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 save on tuition
fees
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, they can invest in extracurricular activities that nurture their
children
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's
overall
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 development.
For example
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,
children
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 can participate in activities
such
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 as sports, music, or self-defence classes, helping them explore their interests and build skills beyond academics.
Such
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 opportunities create well-rounded individuals who are better equipped for the future. For example, since
schools
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 are free in Canada, with the additional money I saved, I was able to enrol my daughter in karate classes for self-defence and it
also
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 helps her stay fit.
Thus
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, by investing in free, high-quality
education
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, governments can lay the foundation for a brighter and more equitable future. In conclusion,
education
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 is a vital pillar for a child’s development and a nation’s success. In
countries
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 where
parents
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 bear the financial burden of
education
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, families often struggle with overstrained budgets, leading to educational divides, inequality, and illiteracy. I firmly believe that
education
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 should be government-sponsored, as seen in most developed nations, where free
education
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 reduces inequality, fosters national prosperity, and allows families to focus on enriching their
children
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’s
overall
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 growth and development.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is very comprehensive and well-structured, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are even smoother to enhance flow.
task achievement
Avoid minor spelling errors such as 'shud' instead of 'should,' since the rest of your essay is very diligently written.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction succinctly sets up the context and states the central argument clearly, drawing readers in with a compelling overview.
supported main points
You have provided specific examples to support your views, such as references to India's and Canada's educational systems, which reinforce your arguments effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and logically follows from the preceding arguments, reiterating your stance clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public education
  • taxpayer funds
  • equal opportunity
  • socio-economic barriers
  • educational standards
  • individual responsibility
  • economic burden
  • government-funded
  • accountability
  • personal investment
  • educational inequality
  • innovation
  • specialization
  • quality education
  • financial capacity
What to do next:
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