Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #jobs #future

Some argue that youth should select the occupations that they want. Others maintain that they should choose

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

jobs

that are more practical and think more about their

future

. personally, I support

latter

Add an article

the latter

a latter

show examples

idea, because it is wiser to select an occupation

that is

most likely to provide for the

future

, On the one hand, There are some reasons why young

people

should choose their

jobs

freely based on

individualsʼs

Correct your spelling

individual

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

and

passion

Fix the agreement mistake

passions

show examples

. If

people

were given

freedom

Add an article

the freedom

show examples

to choose the professions they are

passionated

Correct your spelling

passionate

show examples

about, they would feel more motivated and put extra eﬀort

Change preposition

into

show examples

their work.

Therefore

, they are more likely to succeed than others.

For example

, the research shows that

people

who choose a job they love have a 20% higher chance of success compared to

people

who

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not.

Hence

, young adults should select the occupations they want.

On the other hand

, I am more in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

of the argument that young

people

choose their

jobs

very carefully, and consider the

future

demand for the

jobs

. Choosing a job realistically would highly increase

oneʼs

Correct your spelling

one's

career growth and

future

jobs

Change the noun form

job

show examples

opportunities.

For instance

according to

some articles, About 40% of global

jobs

could be aﬀected to Al automation. The

jobs

you are

passionated

Correct your spelling

passionate

show examples

about may be eliminated by AI in the

future

Moreover

, industries like arts and

entertainments

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainment

show examples

may not provide the same level of

jobs

Change the noun form

job

show examples

security and

incomes

Fix the agreement mistake

income

show examples

compared to other ﬁelds

such

as technology or healthcare. There, young

people

should consider not only their passions but

also

the practical aspects of their career choice,

such

as demand for

jobs

, salary and

future

employment for a stable life. In conclusion,

Although

I partly accept the former idea, I believe that youth should be realistic

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when they choose

jobs

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Fri Nov 22 2024

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task achievement

To improve the Task Achievement score, ensure that examples are specifically tied to the points being made and are detailed enough to be convincing. Currently, some examples, like the statistics, could be expanded or explained in more depth to fully support your argument.

coherence cohesion

For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on smoothing transitions between paragraphs and ideas, making the overall essay flow more seamlessly. Consider using more varied transition phrases and summarizing intermediate points to build stronger connections.

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, which clearly demonstrates an understanding of the issue.

coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, aiding readability and logical flow.

task achievement

Your personal opinion is clearly stated and well-integrated into the essay, fulfilling the requirements of the prompt accurately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

job satisfaction
skill development
market demands
financial stability
career growth
job security
income level
fulfilling professional life
personal happiness
career counseling
job market trends
adaptability
work-life balance
health implications
job automation
redundancy
emerging technologies
stable employment
motivated
competent

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Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People who damage public property, such as buildings or statues should be required to do community service (such as cleaning parks) as a punishment rather than other forms of punishment (such as paying a fine or going to prison). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?