IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Government investment in the arts,such as music and theatre is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. Do you agree or disagree.

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Some people argue that
government
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 investment in arts,
such
Linking Words
 as
music
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 and theatre is a waste of
money
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, and the
government
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 should invest that
money
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 in public welfare. I personally disagree with
this
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 statement because investment in
art
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 will help to increase the
income
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 of the
government
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, and will inspire others to practice
art
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. Investment in
art
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 will help to increase the
income
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 of the
government
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. If the
government
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 invests in
art
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 and
music
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,
artists
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 and
musicians
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 will practice
art
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 and
music
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 and arrange concerts and exhibitions. The
government
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 can collect
money
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 from the taxes and VAT of these events. It will help to reduce the other financial burdens of the
government
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 because the
government
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 can utilize that
money
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 for those purposes.
For example
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, in Australia,
musicians
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 pay the
government
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 an extra tax if they arrange concerts and earn from them.
Moreover
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, if the
government
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 invests in
art
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 and
music
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, people will be inspired to practice
art
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 and
music
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. The number of
artists
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 and
musicians
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 will be increased, which will be beneficial for the
government
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 to increase its
income
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.
Artists
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 can earn more than the general public, which will make them rich and
solvant
Correct your spelling
solvent
.
For instance
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, in Canada, the
government
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 pay
artists
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with
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apply
show examples
extra salaries, which not only helps them to meet their basic needs,
Correct word choice
and
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lead a luxurious life. In conclusion, I personally agree with the viewpoint that the
government
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 should invest in
artists
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 and
musicians
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 because they can earn
money
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 and
also
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 provide the
government
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 with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra
income
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction is more detailed, leaving no ambiguity about your stance from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to further elaborate on points with nuanced perspectives to add depth to the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a clear argument with a conclusion that aligns with the stance presented.
Task Achievement
Relevant and specific examples like the ones from Australia and Canada strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • economic stimulus
  • tourism industry
  • social inclusion
  • wellbeing
  • public services
  • infrastructure
  • equitable distribution
  • fiscal responsibility
  • heritage conservation
  • intellectual property
  • private sponsorship
  • government subsidies
  • civic engagement
  • creative industries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: