IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#people #time #education #years
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Studying during childhood and adolescence should not be part-time till the age of 18 years old ,
this
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 is some individual's opinion I Absolutely agree to have full-time schooling at the elementary , intermediate and secondary
school
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 levels. In my opinion, students have to grow up with the maximum benefits from learning in
the
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school
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.
This
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 means that they have to concentrate on their
education
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 very well by being fully released to go to
school
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 and to do homework and assignments when they come back from
the
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school
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 Another point from my view, being fully engaged in learning is one of their rights as minors and juveniles.
For Example
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 ,In most
of
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the
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well-developed countries, All students from birth till the age of 18 are prohibited from having any paid work or activities by law and they are totally free to have optimum teaching in the schools .
For instance
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 , one of my friends attends her classes in the morning ,
then
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 goes to her part-time job ( waitress in an Indian restaurant ) in the afternoon to help her family financially.
Therefore
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, she did not have enough time to study and do her daily tasks which affected her performance during the whole academic year.
On the other hand
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, individuals who have responsibilities and tasks outside the scope of
education
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 will be distracted Mentally , and exhausted physically and psychologically , So , they will be unable to concentrate on their studies or other extracurricular tasks In conclusion,
Education
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 is one of the main cornerstones in our lives, and all human beings have the right by law and humanity to receive the best
education
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 level .And the community should support families and students all over the world
Submitted by ghufran.mahmoud on

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Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the question are addressed clearly. Include opposing viewpoints and explain your position towards them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical connection between ideas. Make sure each sentence clearly follows from the one before.
Task Achievement
Give more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This can help in illustrating your ideas more vividly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear position.
Task Achievement
The main argument is stated clearly, and your opinion is evident throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
You used a personal example effectively to illustrate a point, making the essay more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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