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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
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The line graph compares the proportion of the population aged 65 and over in three different countries namely ;
Japan
Use synonyms
 ,Sweden and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one general trend ;upward .In 1940 ,the
USA
Use synonyms
 was the highest point of comparison with
Japan
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
 ,their positions were completely reversed in 2040. In 1940 , the
USA
Use synonyms
 showed the highest percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and above ,around 9%.
While
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 started with 5% at
this
Linking Words
 time. The proportion of elderly people in Sweden rose gradually over the next 50 years. Looking into the future a sudden increase in the percentage of elderly people in
Japan
Use synonyms
 ,with a jump of over 15%
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in just 10 years from 2030 to 2040.By 2040 ,it
is
Verb problem
will
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reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
27% of the Japanese population,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for Sweden and the
USA
Use synonyms
 will be slightly lower at about 25% and 23% respectively .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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