IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor
It said that , these days many citizens who are not healthy , wanting take medication and cure themselves, rather than going to their common
doctor
. I definitely disagree with
this
 mindset. It is very important that citizens consider
this
 issue that doctors have spent many years of their life for studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university and actually passing many technical lessons. So
someone
Add the comma(s)
, someone
show examples
 who does not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 proficiency
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 treating
others
 or
itself
Correct pronoun usage
himself
show examples
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may endanger
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 health.
For instance
 , a woman is complaining about some pain around her chest and her son
coms
Correct your spelling
comes
show examples
 and takes her some Codeines. But maybe it is a sign of
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
show examples
 attack and he
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 mistaken easily.
even
Capitalize word
Even
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 should visit a
doctor
 for
check
Correct your spelling
check-ups
show examples
up
Change preposition
from
show examples
 time to time. Maybe they have had vitamin deficiency or do not have had.
Also
 if they consume
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
show examples
 which their
body
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not need it, leads to health problems.
Furthermore
,
Add an article
the citizen
a citizen
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 should consider
this
 issue,
have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
 about medicine dosage is very important and it depends on many factors like
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, weight,
hight
Correct your spelling
height
show examples
 and gender.
For example
, when infants catch
cold
Change the article
a cold
show examples
 and have a fever, when
doctor
Correct article usage
the doctor
show examples
 visits them, first check their weight and
then
advises
Correct subject-verb agreement
advise
show examples
 how
consume
Add the particle
to consume
show examples
 a drop. If we use it more, it will be harmful.
body
Correct article usage
The body
show examples
 of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation definitely
is vary
Change the verb form
varies
show examples
 against
body
Add an article
the body
a body
show examples
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. Actually , a knowledgeable
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
expert can dosage medicine for
others
 . In conclusion, it is so
narrow- minded
Correct your spelling
narrow-minded
show examples
 that usual
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
advices
Correct your spelling
advise
 to
others
 or use medicine without any efficiency. The best way to solve any problems is
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 help from skilled people. We should love our
body
 and take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time for it
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 we can show
this
 point
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 visiting a
doctor
.
Submitted by mozhdeh_yousefi on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are clearly stated and well-organized to make the response more comprehensive. Consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler forms.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more relevant and specific examples to enhance the validity of your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing your ideas more systematically, using paragraphs to separate different points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion about alternative medicines.
task achievement
The argument emphasizes the importance of professional medical advice over self-prescription, a point that aligns well with the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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