IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The health benefits of physical exercise are well known. Despite this, many people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to exercise regularly?

#health #exercise #people
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It is vital to perform physical exercise to stay healthy. Even though, certain sections of people are avoiding
this
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 practice. There are a number of reasons, Which can,
however
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, with the exercise of caution and close observation, be checked. To commence with the root of
this
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 ideology, owing to having a hectic schedule of people and long working hours in these contemporary times. They are too exhausted to engage in any physical activity.
For example
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, International students in Canada tend to do part-time jobs
due to
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 the rising cost of living with college assignments, which leads to insufficient time for keep-fit sessions. Failure to address
this
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 issue promptly may lead to
further
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 complications.
Moreover
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,
Due to
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 skyrocketing paid subscriptions, people cannot afford the fitness gym.
Thus
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, it is rapidly becoming a stumbling block phenomenon among the young generation that does not prioritise health.
Nonetheless
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, certain measures are suggested to encounter the escalation of the pandemic,
to begin
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 with, The Government
as well as
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 every firm in the nation should obligated to foster physical fitness among all age groups of citizens,
in addition
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 to an open, economical fitness facility in the neighbourhood. To cite an example, motivating the society through campaigns to stay healthy and providing free yoga classes, and gym with the regimen strictly followed.
Therefore
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, they will have a desire to at least endeavour physical training. In summation, in contemporary times, Not performing frequent physical activities regularly has surfaced as a grave predicament that needs addressing. With a little mindfulness and careful scrutiny of the ministry nation, the menace can be won.
Submitted by rajputashutosh0009 on

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language use
Make sure to use clear and concise language to improve readability. For example, rewrite complex sentences to ensure clarity. Instead of "Moreover, Due to skyrocketing paid subscriptions, people cannot afford the fitness gym. Thus, it is rapidly becoming a stumbling block phenomenon among the young generation that does not prioritise health," consider simplifying it.
development
Further develop examples and explanations to strengthen the argument. Provide more statistical data or studies to support the reasons why people do not exercise regularly.
task response
The essay provides a clear task response by addressing both the reasons people do not exercise and potential solutions.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear understanding of the topic and summarizing the arguments.
task response
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the situation faced by international students in Canada, which add depth to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hectic
  • commitments
  • discourages
  • accessibility
  • awareness campaigns
  • diverse
  • longevity
  • feasible
  • seamlessly
  • initiatives
  • affordable
What to do next:
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