IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #wat #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #wats
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Some individuals believe that the best way to mitigate
crime
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 is by giving longer
prison
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sentences
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,
while
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 others believe that there are better alternative ways to reduce
crime
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. I personally believe that
while
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 other alternative ways help to
change
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 the
behaviours
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 of
prisoners
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, longer
prison
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sentences
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 are more effective because they help
prisoners
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 to regret
for
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apply
show examples
their
deeds
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. Longer
prison
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sentences
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 help
prisoners
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 to repent for their crimes. If
prison
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sentences
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 are long,
criminals
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 have enough time to regret
for
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apply
show examples
their
deeds
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. They realize that what they have done is wrong, and they have to face the consequences.
As a result
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, they will not engage in that
crime
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 again when they will be released from
prison
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.
For example
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, in Australia,
criminals
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 are given
prison
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sentences
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by
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of
show examples
 up to 20 years depending on the severity of their
crimez
Correct your spelling
crimes
crime
. It reminds them about their
crime
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 every day in
prison
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, and they think twice before engaging in the same
crime
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 after their release.
Therefore
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, I personally believe that
prison
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sentences
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 are the best way to reduce
crime
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.
However
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, other alternative ways to reduce
crime
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 help
criminals
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to
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apply
show examples
change
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 their
behaviours
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. In correctional services, there are several
programs
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 for
criminals
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 aiming
for changing
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to change
show examples
 their
behaviours
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, motifs, perspectives and thoughts, which work against the
crime
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. These specialized
programs
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 address the root causes and
behaviours
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 against the
crime
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,
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apply
show examples
 and directly address them.
For instance
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, in Japan,
criminals
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, who are accused of homicide attend some behaviour
change
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programs
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 as a part of their punishment, which find the reasons for their
deeds
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 and try to correct them.
However
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, I personally believe that these
programs
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 do not help
criminals
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 to repent for their crimes. In conclusion, I personally believe that
although
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 behaviour
change
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programs
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 help to address the motifs and
behaviours
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 against the
crime
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,
prison
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sentences
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 are more helpful in reducing the
crime
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 rate because they let
prisoners
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 repent for their
deeds
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 and encourage
not
Correct pronoun usage
them not
show examples
 to engage in
crime
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 again.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples, to improve clarity and understanding. For instance, when discussing long prison sentences, further examples could be added to illustrate their preventive effect on crime.
coherence cohesion
In this essay, minor errors such as spelling mistakes ('wat' and 'crimes') should be corrected to maintain professionalism and readability.
task response
Consider addressing potential counterarguments to further strengthen your position. This can give more depth to your essay, showing critical engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively present and summarize the discussed views.
task response
You have successfully discussed both viewpoints, as the prompt requests, giving a balanced view of the topic.
task response
You've provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the 20-year sentences in Australia and behavior change programs in Japan.
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