IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this ? What are the effect ?

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Despite knowing about the effects of an unhealthy lifestyle and excessive food
consumption
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,
but
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apply
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people
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 still do them every day, so that the number of overweight
people
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 is growing. The two main causes of the increase
of
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in
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 overweight
people
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 are unhealthy
lifestyles
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 and unhealthy
consumptions
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consumption
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. They can slowly destroy the body organs of
human
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humans
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 with bad fats. Human
activities
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 every day are very diverse. These
activities
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 create unhealthy
lifestyles
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,
such
Linking Words
 as instant
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foods
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food
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consumption
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, sugary
beverages
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beverage
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consumption
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, less
physic
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physical
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activities
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, and the lack of nutritional education
too
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apply
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 order fast
foods
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 and sugary beverages from online applications to their places. These easy
habbits
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habits
 of
people
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 make less
phyisic
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physical
physic
activities
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 in their daily routines. Because of that, the number of
people
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 overweight is growing.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 have
the
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a
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 lack of nutritional education leading to poor dietary
choose
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choices
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 and prioritization of taste over
health
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. So,
the
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apply
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economic factors make
unheathy
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unhealthy
healthy
 food options more affordable compared
nutritious
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to nutritious
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 alternatives.
The unhealthy
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Unhealthy
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lifestyles
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 can cause various diseases that originate from
obesity
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,
such
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 as heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, etc.
Obesity
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 can lead to psychological issues like depression and low self-esteem, impacting individuals' mental
health
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.
The mental
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Mental
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health
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problem
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problems
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 can be affected
to
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by
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 economic impacts
include
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including
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 loss of productivity in workplaces
due to
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health
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 complications among employees
too
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apply
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. Some possible solutions to
this
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 problem are changing
people
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's mindsets and making
people
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 aware of the dangers of
obesity
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.
People
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 have to change their unhealthy
lifestyles
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 to healthy
lifestyles
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,
such
Linking Words
 as decreasing instant
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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consumption
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 to
be increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 healthy
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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consumption
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, more
physic
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physical
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activities
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 in daily routines, and
make
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making
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sport
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the sport
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as
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apply
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a necessity of life.
Moreover
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,
people
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 have to increase their
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 about healthy
nutritional
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nutrition
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 and
choice
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choose
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 the right diet. Even healthy
nutritional
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nutrition
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 can obtained at a low price so that it can be consumed by poor economic.
By
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In
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 these ways,
people
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 can maintain their body
health
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 and avoid various
deases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 that originate from overweight or
obesity
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.
On the other hand
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, the mental
health
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 problem
which
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apply
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caused by
obesity
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 can be avoided among employees too. In conclusion, the number of overweight
people
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 can decrease by changing
people
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's
uhealthy
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unhealthy
healthy
 mindsets and
uhealthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
healthy
lifestyles
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become
Fix the infinitive
to become
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 healthy mindsets and healthy
lifestyles
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.
However
Linking Words
,
health
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 is a long-term investment for humans. Without a healthy body, life is nothing.

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task achievement
Try to support your arguments with more specific examples or statistical data to enhance credibility.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is logically structured, ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother to improve the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and sets the stage for discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your points.
task achievement
The essay addresses all parts of the task with a clear understanding of the causes and effects of obesity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overweight
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Nutritional education
  • Aggressive marketing
  • Screen time
  • Economic factors
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Chronic illnesses
  • Heart disease
  • Diabetes
  • Hypertension
  • Psychological issues
  • Low self-esteem
  • Healthcare systems
  • Productivity
  • Stigmatization
  • Discrimination
  • Portion sizes
  • Convenience food
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