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Band 4.5

Nowadays , more nad more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families.

#nad #people #cities #time #families
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
years
Add a comma
years,
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people
 all over the world
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
time
 in several places without family members
by
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 advancements in the field of transportation and facilitated international relationships. There are some reasons for
this
 growing trend and many potential effects it may have on travellers and their families. There are particular causes to
this
 situation why many
people
 leave their family and make a life in
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
, the primary reason for
this
 is
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 requirement and financial stability. First and foremost, human beings travel
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
foreign countries the reason to find high-paid
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 when their job in their own region do not have
wake
Correct your spelling
enough
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 ambitions and high-quality opportunities , definitely
people
 get rid of and stay to search mite accessible work to continue job performance.
Additionally
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
migrants
offer
Wrong verb form
are offered
show examples
 numerous amenities by authority which arrange venue or food
also
 financial sides mainly if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Master's
Correct article usage
a Master's
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 or
Barchelor's
Correct your spelling
bachelor's
 degree. Another reason for
this
 could be that educational
willing
Replace the word
willingness
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 on high-special academies
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas since
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
undergraduates
greated
Correct your spelling
have
 more facilities like free educational systems in UAs , Canada,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 or Germany
for attracting
Change preposition
to attract
show examples
 good knowledgeable students. As an illustration , students from Central Asia mainly Uzbek students migrate to study
foreign
Change preposition
at foreign
show examples
 universities ,
as a consequence
 ,they can forget their family's
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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as well as
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 benefit . A few negative consequences of
this
 development are already noticeable.
For instance
 ,
due to
people
 abandoning their relatives and family for a long
time
 , the traditional customs may be undermined.
For example
,
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 who spend
time
 abroad rarely have opportunities to maintain physical contact with their families , which means that their children do not receive sufficient parental treatment.
As well as
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
way
Add the comma(s)
way,
show examples
 they can
broke
Change the verb form
break
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 their bonds.
Furthermore
,
people
 who live overseas at
firts
Correct your spelling
first
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
feel real
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
satisfaction about their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 but
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
time
 , they reminisce about
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 spent
family
Change preposition
with family
show examples
 members or friends.As when they stay alone without money or home. In conclusion , foreign countries may offer better work and business opportunities but
people
 who travel abroad should not forget to keep active contact with their families to avoid some adverse
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving coherence by linking ideas more logically and smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Task Achievement
Clarify ideas further to enhance the reader's understanding, using more precise language.
Introduction/Conclusion
The essay successfully introduces the topic and concludes with a clear summary.
Task Achievement
There is a thoughtful attempt to address the issue of people spending time abroad away from family, acknowledging both causes and effects.
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