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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that technology has made our lives more convenient, while others argue that it has caused more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays,
technology
Use synonyms
 has a significant place in our lives. It is used in different locations in many industries.
People
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 have different views on the situation. Some of them think that
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 harm.
However
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, some
people
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 think it has
benefits
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.
Although
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, my view is that it has more
benefits
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 than harms. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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technology
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 made our lives easier.
Although
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 grade on
this
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,
Technology
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 is used in many industries
such
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 as
health
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 and education.
For instance
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, students say that with
technology
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 they achieved more success. Because the
Internet
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 had the all things that they searched for.
Moreover
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, they said that it is easier to look up to the
Internet
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instead
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 of searching in books. Another benefit the
technology
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 caused is that
people
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 can make appointments to the doctor easily through
health
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 apps.
Additionally
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, they can see the results of their tests in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
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these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of apps
instead
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 of going to the clinic to find out.
On the other hand
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, the
technology
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 sometimes can be harmful
due to
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 usage. To elaborate, spending time on the
internet
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 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the person in
bad
Change the article
a bad
show examples
 way.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 a person can have mental
health
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 problems.
Moreover
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,
this
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 harm can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the person's physical
health
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 too. Namely,
people
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 should not spend a lot of time on the
Internet
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. In conclusion,
technology
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 has lots of
benefits
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.
Nevertheless
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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users can change the
benefits
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 to harms.
People
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 have different views on
this
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 situation.
Although
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 my view is that our lives changed to less complicated away with
technology
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines both views you will discuss and your opinion to provide a stronger framework for the essay.
supported main points
Some sections could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen your claims.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on refining ideas to be clearer and more comprehensive for better understanding and engagement.
complete response
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and offers a conclusion that aligns with the author's opinion.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided demonstrate relevant applications of technology in education and healthcare.
logical structure
Overall logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the argument.
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