IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph show the gold sales in Dubai in 2002

The line graph show the gold sales in Dubai in 2002
The line graph shows the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
gold
Use synonyms
 in one Asian city, Dubai, in 2002. Units are measured in millions of
dirhams
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
gold
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 significantly during the whole
year
Use synonyms
, with the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 recorded in March.
However
Linking Words
, it is July and September months that saw the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
gold
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in Dubai in 2002. To start with the first seven months, around 200
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dirhams
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 spent on
gold
Use synonyms
 by people in Dubai in the first month of the
year
Use synonyms
, after which,
this
Linking Words
 figure
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 to about 350
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dirhams
Use synonyms
 in March - the highest sale.
However
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
gold
Use synonyms
 experienced a dramatic decline to approximately 120
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dirhams
Use synonyms
 in July, the second month of summer. Regarding the rest of the
year
Use synonyms
, people spent just above 200
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dirhams
Use synonyms
 in order to purchase
gold
Use synonyms
 in August. After falling to the
amount
Use synonyms
 of July's
gold
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in September, the figure rose again to about 180
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dirhams
Use synonyms
 in October.
Finally
Linking Words
, by the end of the
year
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 showed almost no changes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, gold, dirhams, year, amount, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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