IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is necessary for the parents to attend a parent renting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree?

#parents #parent #course #children
Upbringing
Add an article
The upbringing
show examples
 of children is usually correlated to the ability of
parents
 and
nurturing
Wrong verb form
nurture
show examples
 their
kids
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great and useful members of society. In order to help new
parents
, many institutes
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 and training courses. I believe it is of the utmost
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
importance that
parents
 should enrol in these lessons for better
child
 care. First and foremost, raising a
child
 is a
tideous
Correct your spelling
tedious
 and a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 job. New
parents
 might find raising a kid stressful which not only leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
post traumatic
Add a hyphen
post-traumatic
show examples
 stress disorder but
also
 facilitates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emotional detachment among
kids
 and their
parents
. Negligence in sorting these issues can be a cause for poor
child
 behaviour and delinquencies.
For example
, many
kids
 with
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
childhood
Change preposition
in childhood
show examples
ends
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
correction centres. Taking part in pre-delivery parenting classes can help wards
in learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 how to deal with depression and to take care of young ones to avoid any negative side effects.
Additionally
, as these courses have years of practical research,
parents
 find these courses, very resourceful. These classes in rich
parents
 with vital information
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 issues included in childcare.
Besides
, these classes are
organiz
Correct your spelling
organised
 in groups, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 new
parents
 to get to know other
parents
 and can force
into
Correct pronoun usage
them into
show examples
 new relationships. Friendships among
parents
 can help them navigate the journey of parenting by learning from the struggles and mistakes of each other.
Furthermore
, their friendships can help their
kids
 to become friends as well which,
for instance
, leads to numerous play dates. In conclusion, I am in complete favour of
parents
 taking
prerequisites
Change the noun form
prerequisite
show examples
 lessons on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 of bringing for the sake of their mental health and
overall
child
 development.
Submitted by arvindpreet5040 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Work on refining grammar and vocabulary to avoid minor errors and enhance clarity.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
The essay presents a clear position on the necessity of parenting courses.
coherence
Each paragraph has a clear central idea, contributing to the overall coherence.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: