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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is necessary for the parents to attend a parent renting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree?

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Upbringing
Add an article
The upbringing
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 of children is usually correlated to the ability of
parents
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 and
nurturing
Wrong verb form
nurture
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 their
kids
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 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
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great and useful members of society. In order to help new
parents
Use synonyms
, many institutes
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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 and training courses. I believe it is of the utmost
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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importance that
parents
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 should enrol in these lessons for better
child
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 care. First and foremost, raising a
child
Use synonyms
 is a
tideous
Correct your spelling
tedious
 and a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
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 job. New
parents
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 might find raising a kid stressful which not only leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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post traumatic
Add a hyphen
post-traumatic
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 stress disorder but
also
Linking Words
 facilitates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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emotional detachment among
kids
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 and their
parents
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. Negligence in sorting these issues can be a cause for poor
child
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 behaviour and delinquencies.
For example
Linking Words
, many
kids
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 with
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
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childhood
Change preposition
in childhood
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ends
Change the verb form
end
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 up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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correction centres. Taking part in pre-delivery parenting classes can help wards
in learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 how to deal with depression and to take care of young ones to avoid any negative side effects.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as these courses have years of practical research,
parents
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 find these courses, very resourceful. These classes in rich
parents
Use synonyms
 with vital information
to
Change preposition
about
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 issues included in childcare.
Besides
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, these classes are
organiz
Correct your spelling
organised
 in groups, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 new
parents
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 to get to know other
parents
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 and can force
into
Correct pronoun usage
them into
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 new relationships. Friendships among
parents
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 can help them navigate the journey of parenting by learning from the struggles and mistakes of each other.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their friendships can help their
kids
Use synonyms
 to become friends as well which,
for instance
Linking Words
, leads to numerous play dates. In conclusion, I am in complete favour of
parents
Use synonyms
 taking
prerequisites
Change the noun form
prerequisite
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 lessons on
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 of bringing for the sake of their mental health and
overall
Linking Words
child
Use synonyms
 development.

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language
Work on refining grammar and vocabulary to avoid minor errors and enhance clarity.
cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
The essay presents a clear position on the necessity of parenting courses.
coherence
Each paragraph has a clear central idea, contributing to the overall coherence.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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